She Will Be Loved

Chapter Twenty: Guilt

Bucky's POV

I wasn't there when it happened. Something I will never forgive myself for. I wasn't there for the birth of our first born child. I was in a no contact meeting with Director Fury.

I wasn't there for my baby when she needed me. Although she assured me that it was okay, that she forgave me and there was nothing to forgive I still felt awful.

Steve drove her to the hospital. And held her hand during the contractions. Not me. Steve said all the encouraging words, and promised I would be there soon. Steve was there. I was not. I know I asked him to watch her while I was away, but I still hated myself for not being there.

The only thing that took my min away from my ever growing self loathing was seeing (Name) hold our beautiful baby girl. We named her Marie.

I loved Marie and (Name) with all of my soul. I would die for my two angels. But I couldn't bring myself to touch her.

(Name) was horrified. She thought that I didn't want the baby, or thought it wasn't good enough.

"No (Name), there's nothing wrong with Marie. That's the problem,"

"What?" She sat down on the couch leaning back against my chest.

"She's so perfect and tiny. She's delicate like a snowflake," I surprised myself when my voice caught in my throat and I choked out "I'd destroy her"

(Name) laughed melodically, "Oh Baby, please. She's as much your baby as she is mine. Here,"

She turned her hips and pressed the little pink bundle of blankets and baby into my chest.

"No," I growled. I didn't mean to sound so scary. "I can't,"

(Name) looked hurt. But also looked like she understood my position. I wanted to hold our baby so badly. It killed me inside to refuse, but my arm. I would squish our darling little angel. I already have done enough to hurt (Name) and Marie. I would not allow myself to hurt them any further.