The way I loved you

1995

June 1995

"This is amazing Rory! It must be amazing to have rich grandparents pay for a college like this for you" Sharonda said to me as she looked at my huge dorm room.

"I'm not going to lie to you, it's amazing" I smiled at her honestly "I feel so comfortable, I haven't felt this happy in a while" I told her honestly as we both sat on my bed.

Sharonda quickly understood what I meant, I saw how she made a little grimace before speaking "you are still thinking about him, aren't you?"

"Yes, there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't pop into my mind at least once" I let out a sigh denying. "I just want to be able to forget him you know? For God's sake, I moved to another continent and even that didn't work."

Sharonda was looking at me with a weird expression on her face, I really didn't know what was going through her head until she decided to speak.

"Rory there is something you need to know..I was planning on telling you anyway, I think it's necessary for you to know"

Feeling very nervous at her words I looked at her worried "what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

Sharonda let out a sigh and I saw how she took my hand, as a consolation before speaking "Kim is pregnant, Marshall will be a father" she saw me for a few seconds "their baby will be born in December".

At her words I felt that recognizable feeling in my body, the sadness and disappointment was coming back to me. He was already starting his family while I was still thinking about him every day.

"Wow that's...I didn't expect that" I said trying to smile as the huge lump in my throat grew and my vision blurred thanks to the tears wanting to come out.

"Sorry for not telling you sooner but I felt it wasn't something I could say over the phone" Sharonda said still holding my hand, trying to give me some comfort.

"No, it's not okay! It had to happen someday, didn't it? I always knew he would go on with his life and that..." I sighed trying to be able to keep talking without crying " would it be with her".

My voice broke off and Sharonda was quick to hug me tightly, as if she knew I needed it.

"It's okay Rory, with me you don't have to pretend this isn't hurting" she whispered as she stroked my back "let it out, it's okay"

It didn't take long before I was a mess of tears and sobs as all I could think about was how I wish I would have been the one to give him a child.

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December 1995

"She's perfect" I said looking at Hailie who was sleeping on her mom's chest, she was so tiny and fragile.

"I know" Kim said smiling at me as I also looked at her "can you believe the two of us did this?"

I quickly denied, it was unbelievable honestly "no, but I know it's the best thing we ever did".

"I love you Marshall, thank you for not leaving me alone" Kim said to me as with her free hand she took mine.

We quickly intertwined our fingers.

"You have nothing to thank me for..thanks to you for giving me the best of my life. I love you."

I didn't hesitate to get up from the chair so I could give her a kiss and see Hailie closer and for the first time in months I felt complete with Kim and now our little baby, I felt like I didn't need anyone else.

My friends came to meet Hailie, they all knew how fucking important this was to me. Shit, I was a daddy now, a little human being depended on me and I would give the world to her.

After a while only Sharonda and DeShaun were left, Hailie and Kim was doing it in the hospital bed too, she was exhausted and I couldn't blame her, the woman had just given birth.

"Anything you know you can call me Doody" Proof said to me as we said goodbye.

"Thanks Doody, see you around. Thanks for coming" I said to both of them.

"Well, congratulations Marshall. Your daughter is beautiful" Sharonda said to me. It was a cutting tone but I knew she meant it.

"Thanks Shar, see you around."

Sharonda still hated me and at this point I knew she would never stop doing it, least of all when because of me her best friend had moved.

I watched as they left the room and I just sat down to watch my girls, I wanted them to rest.
Just then I saw Sharonda walk back in and quickly approach me.

"Here, read it when you feel ready and you're alone."

I quickly watched as she grabbed her purse which she had apparently forgotten it and walked back out of the room leaving me fucking confused.

Was I ready? I didn't know. Was I alone? Kim was asleep so yes.

As I turned the envelope over I could see my name written on it and knew right away whose perfect handwriting it was.

I hurried to open the envelope and began to read the letter.

Marshall:

I hope this letter doesn't bother or inconvenience you but I found out that you are going to become a dad! I wanted to congratulate you and wish you the best.

I am sure you are already an amazing daddy and that your baby is lucky to have you and will grow up with lots of love.

I thought a lot about whether to send you this letter or not, I don't want to cause you trouble or make you think that there are bad intentions behind this. Sharonda literally told me the news today in the afternoon and now it is early morning, she sleeps and I can only think about all this.

I am happy for you because I know it is something you always dreamed of but my selfishness makes me feel things I don't want.
But in the end I know that this is the best for both of us, right?

I feel like this is official closure that we needed, you are already starting a family and there is nothing more powerful than that.

So I will make this letter, I will give it to Sharonda to take to Detroit and she will give it to you when your baby is born and I hope this is the last time you will hear from me.

I wish you the best and I hope you know that I mean it from my heart!

All the best to you, Kim and your baby.

Rory.

I let out a sigh as I finished reading Rory's letter.
I had a strange feeling in my stomach and I didn't know if it was the closure that as she said, we both needed but for now I had to worry about Kim and my daughter, no one else.

I didn't plan to write her back but in my mind I also wished her well.