Bad Girl, Bad Mate

Chapter 28

Oopss... Sorry for naming(numbering?) this chapter wrongly.

Well... hi...

I was gone for a really long time, I guess. I just dissapeared from here, and any other social medias. So many things happened, I lost a best friend of mine, it was so sudden, and my dream was crushed, that's just that.

I can't write, I find me forcing myself to even write a bit. I read depressing books, books that does not even help me to get over this grief. I stopped writing, hoping, living, I guess.

I'm here now, not that I have a hope again, just that, I have determination, what seems to be the last hopeful thing running inside of me, to write this chapter, and to finish this book. I find myself questioning why am I still living? What is there for me tomorrow? But suddenly, I remembered this book. This one book I really want to finish, this one book that will... I don't know. It just, makes me know that I still have something to do tomorrow, something that I have to live for so I can do it.

Sorry for... Idk. Talking too much? Just need to get it out there. Maybe this determination can, or will eventually take me out of this grief, this time in my life when I feel so lost, so hopeless.

So, enjoy the new chapter already.

Chapter 28

I glance around me, feeling rather lost but not complaining about it because my mate is not by my side. Maybe my parents are talking to him. Maybe not. The coffin lie there, right in front of me on the ground, just waiting for the next order.

This is the most confusing time of my life. I feel so lost. I feel numb, yet it's like I know deep inside, a tornado is coming, and it's coming fast. I can sense it, but I can do nothing about it. The state of grief, which I've never really been through before because I don't know how, or who to share it with, suddenly threatens to resurface.

When I found out Liam's gone, I barely had time to even really sink in the tragic news, then I was kicked out of the pack. It is so weird how I feel like my life had been chaotic for that two hell of years but I barely spoke to anyone, I just sleep my day through, go to work, and eat when I can. To think of it again, I barely did anything except that, but I think the chaos and tiredness wasn't about all that, it was inside of me. I was tired because my insides are in chaos, it's like, at that time, I thought nothing's ever going to settle.

And now, looking at the coffin, it's like knowing about everything, yet not knowing anything at all. I know that the possibility of Liam's body in there is high, yet it's like, a part of me still think that he's alive, because I haven't seen his body yet.

An old man, the one who leads the funeral, motions for me to step forward after reciting some things that I've clearly hadn't listened about.

This is it. This is my last goodbye, the true one.

I glance into the coffin and finally, after all these years, I see him again. His eyes are closed, his skin so pale, and all the memories I had with him flashes in my mind like a kaleidoscope of memories. And the one so clear, so real that had always stayed in my mind was when I last met him before he went into the woods.