Streams of Consciousness

Rendezvous

         Weeks went by, and I tried to learn everything about her. She enjoyed movies, meditation, and baking. She is very creative, alongside being quite lovable. She told me that she was American, but she wasn't sure of her lineage. Her mother walked out on her thirteen years ago. She traveled all over, never having a real home. Her mother left when they ended up here. She didn't have a set favorite color, nor a set favorite food. As long as the colors were bright, or the food tasted good, she was happy.

     I wish I could tell her everything about me. I tried. I didn't know anything to say. All I could muster was thinking that I enjoyed her company. I never said that aloud. I was afraid. I was afraid she wouldn't see me the way I saw her. I was afraid of being hurt again. Who knew how many others had a chance with her. What others have done to try and win her heart. Too much truth can ruin a thing, so I sewed my mouth shut. It killed me. All my feelings for her, they were poison, waiting to be spit out.

        "Are you okay?" she asked me. I snapped my head up.

         "Just... lost in thought..." I said.

         "What are you thinking?" she asked.

         "...I was thinking something... a little crazy. It's not something I want to share..." I said.

        "The rain again?" she asked. I looked up at her with confusion.

        "Last night, you woke me up. Kept asking about the rain. Something about an umbrella in delicate hands, a faceless woman," she told me. My heart started to pound. What else had I said to her? Does she know how I feel? Did I reveal my past to her?

        "Did I say anything else?" I asked cautiously.

        "Nope! Your eyes just glazed over and you fell asleep again," she said.

        "Oh god, I'm sorry... this is pretty embarrassing..." I said.

        "It's okay! I know that you don't remember everything, and that it haunts you. I don't care. You are good enough as is," she said smiling. Her words warmed my heart. More time went by. Each day, my confidence was built up. Each day, I grew happier. I was overreacting. She didn't care who I was. She cared about me. I just didn't know how much. Then one morning:

        "Can I... nevermind."

        "What's up?"

        "It's nothing..."

        "You sure? You can tell me anything!"

        "It is more of a question."

        "Ask away!"

        "You might not like the question."

        "It doesn't matter. It's coming from you, so I doubt it."

        "Well... haha... would you... who is standing in front of me... would you like... uh... to go out with me?" I asked cautiously. Silence.

        "You don't have a boyfriend, right?" I asked.

        "Aren't you my boyfriend?" she asked.

        "Well... haha... am I? Not officially... unless you think it's official...?"

        "I wouldn't mind making it official! So yes, I would like to go out with you!" she said with excitement.

         "Okay! Okay. Okay okay okay! So how about I come to your room after work, and I take you out to dinner? A really nice dinner! And a movie! I've been doing good work, so I won a nice dinner," I said rapidly.