Attention Runner-Up

Chapter 9

Here is the thing about Love. It's easy to fall into it, but it is so f-ing hard to fall out of it. Especially when you are actively trying not to love someone. Before I knew it I was back in my deep dark depression. I couldn't even find the energy to get up and go to school. I just lay there all day and thought about what I had done.

Perhaps I am a bad person.

A selfish, mean, cheater. Someone who doesn't even deserve to be loved.

Maybe I'm worse than Jade. Maybe she's a better kisser than me or a better cuddlier. Maybe she listens better and knows Skylar better. Maybe she makes love better. Maybe... Maybe all along Jade has always been better than me. Maybe my ego prevents me from seeing that.

That's it then.

Jade wins,

And I lose.

Why do I feel like I always lose? I feel like I've always been the runner-up and never realized it until now. I never get the prize, I never win. I just almost win, I almost get what I want, I almost get the prize. I get a taste of it, of that victory, of that winning life only to have it ripped away from me time and time again.

I'm just a loser.

No one cares about second place.

I hate it here.

What I would give to just start all over somewhere. A place where no one knew who I was or what I've done. Where second place is still a crowning achievement and girls named Skylar Clifton don't break your heart over and over again. Where is that place? I'd give everything I have just to live there. That sounds like paradise to me.

On day three of me skipping out on school Wini comes by the house, I was in the game room binge-watching shows on Netflix when the doorbell rang. With a sigh, I got up and dragged myself downstairs. I was expecting my aunt but when I opened the door Wini was standing with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. I sighed and let her in.

"Before you say you told you so, I would just like to point out she did kiss me back." I start.

"Darleen, this isn't healthy. You can't just sit in your house all day."

"Why not? It's a pretty big house. It has everything I need to survive for a few months."

"This is not healing. I told you not to get involved with her again. I told you it wouldn't end well. You can't just avoid her Darleen. Skylar isn't worth it. Look what she's doing to you, you are hardly even recognizable. You've changed so much since you've been with her. The problem isn't you, it's Skylar. She's leading you on, she's pushing you around when we all know she has no intention of following through. I'd bet you 100 dollars she hasn't told Jade about what happened between you two. Is that really someone you want back in your life?"

I had been texting Wini regular updates on the situation. She is the only one I can trust with the whole story. I know she won't go and blab her mouth to anyone. Plus the girl is usually great with advice. She truly is a saint, I can hardly remember what I did before I met her.

Still, her "I told you so's" were not welcome, I wasn't ready to hear them.

"Just shut up, you don't know what you are talking about. Skylar is an amazing person, she's just confused!"

"If she was such an amazing person she wouldn't have played with your heart. It was always Jade, Darleen, she cheated on you too. She kissed Jade when you two were together, who knows how many times that happened that she never told you. Open your eyes, Skylar may be confused but that doesn't give her an excuse to play with you. If she doesn't know what she wants then she shouldn't be in a committed relationship to begin with."