Attention Runner-Up

Chapter 26

"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep chasing my tail with you. I'm sorry Darleen, but I think—"

"Don't say it, don't you dare say it. Lexi, come on. I love you." my tears fall.

"I love you too." Her own tears fall.

"Then don't do this. Please."

"I can't keep doing this Darleen. You aren't making the effort. You don't even see the problem. You are controlling and possessive and you don't think about how your actions affect the people around you. This was the last straw. Tonight could have gone a hell of a lot worse. Take it from someone who's dealt with an abuser before. What you did was stupid and reckless and you not only put yourself in danger, but you put Mackenzie in danger too. What would you have done if Jean decided to retaliate against her? That would have been your fault. You can't keep doing this."

"She was going to—"

"It wasn't your choice to make! It wasn't your battle to fight! Don't you see, you can't always be the hero! You're going to get yourself hurt or worse, get someone else hurt. I'm saying enough is enough. I haven't gone through everything I've gone through just for you to make me feel like all of my words go in one ear out the other. You make me feel like a child. You think you're always right when you're not. And don't think I want to do this, because I don't. I hate this just as much as you do. I love you, I love you so fucking much."

"Then don't, please." I cry.

"I don't want a hero Darleen. I want a partner, someone who respects my wishes and trust that I can take care of myself. I didn't fight all these battles myself just so a hero could come in and take all the credit. I never asked for a savior, all I wanted was a girlfriend to love and be with me without needing anything else."

"Lexi." I sobbed.

"Damn you okay, damn you for making me the bad guy. Do you think I want this? Because I don't! But I can't revert back to the girl I was before. You aren't trying, you aren't working on it! This isn't okay. What you did was not okay. I'm sorry but it's over. Maybe if you can prove to me that you're ready to change, I'll reconsider, but for now, this is the end. For real this time." With that, she pulled out my spare key and handed it to me.

"Lexi, please. Don't do this. Don't. I love you!" I cried.

"And I love you too, but I'm worth more than this."

Then she kissed me softly on the cheek before leaving.

I stared at the door, willing her to walk back in and say it was all some horrible joke. To tell me she takes it all back. To say that love is enough and that everything else can be fixed. That I can be fixed.

But no matter how long I stared at the door, she did not come back.

After the hospital we drove back to my apartment, Kenzie went to take a shower and that's when Lexi laid it on me. The behavior I displayed tonight had been the last straw for her. It had shown her what she had always known deep down inside and that was, I was not the girl she thought I was. I was not the girl she wanted me to be.

I am not good enough for her.

I have had my heart broken before. By Skylar, twice by Aphrodite, but none of them could compare to the pain I was feeling now. Lexi was the one. I was so sure of it. Everything just clicked so perfectly between us. I love everything about her, but she doesn't love everything about me.

I just started crying, like really crying. Something I haven't done in a long time. It hurt so fucking bad. The worse part was I was taken all the way back to my breakup with Skylar. How she had said something similar to me once, how I don't consider the people around me. Aphrodite said something like that too once. Years of ignoring the issue and hoping it was a, them, issue, and not of me issue has finally come back to haunt me. Because this same problem that lost me two girls before lost me the only girl that ever mattered.