Music Heals All Wounds

Chapter 15

Essence

Pulling my eyeshadow palette from out of my vanity drawer, I continued to do my makeup as I listened to Tracy speak to me over FaceTime. We made sure to check in with each other at least every two weeks. She wanted to make sure I was healing properly and wanted me to know that if I ever needed somebody to talk to, she was there. I appreciated her help and guidance throughout all of this.

"My main focus is your mental health." She said, and I paused from doing my makeup so she could see that she had my attention. "I know right now you're focused on music, but I want you to prioritize yourself. Self care and self love is extremely important especially after everything you've been through."

"And I understand that completely, which is the main reason why I've been focusing on music so much, it gives me peace of mind. I've also been writing my thoughts down in a journal, like you suggested, and it's been helping me process my emotions."

"Are you still having those nightmares?" She asked, and I hated to admit to her that I was. I wasn't sure why I was having nightmares all of a sudden, but I wanted so badly for them to stop. Each time, it was the same thing, my fight with Jeremiah.

"Yeah, I am and it's starting to affect my sleep schedule. I have things to do throughout the day, so I can't spend the day sleeping, but I can't seem to go to sleep at night."

"You know what?" She spoke with a thinking look on her face. "Why don't you call me whenever you have a nightmare and I will stay up with you and we can talk about it."

"You want me to call you at three in the morning?" I asked her in a disbelieving tone. On the weekdays she had to be to her office for seven in the morning. There was no way she was going to stay on the phone with me that late when she had work the next day.

"If that's what it takes. If you walk me through the nightmare and talk about what you're feeling at that very moment when everything is fresh, you might be able to sleep afterwards."

I wasn't sure if Tracy's idea was going to work or not, but at this point I was willing to try anything. We talked for a little while longer and she shared a few more techniques with me that would help me sleep before we ended the FaceTime. After putting the final touches on my makeup, I headed downstairs to see what Eli was up to. It's been a month since he's been back home and he still hasn't said why he was back. Whatever the reason was, I was happy it brought him here. This month gave us a chance to do something that we didn't get to do last time he was home. A chance to talk, actually talk without any arguing and I felt like I finally had my brother back. He was even helping me out music wise, something I've been wanting him to do for a while now.

"What'chu doing?" I asked Eli as I passed him on my way to the kitchen. He was sitting on the couch with his laptop. As I turned the corner, I saw a pound cake that my mom baked for me sitting on the kitchen counter. My birthday was tomorrow and she knew that pound cake was my favorite. I grabbed a plate and a knife so I could cut me a slice.

"Aye, come look at this." Eli said from the living room. I grabbed my slice of cake before making my way over to him. "You saw this?"

He had the computer on youtube and the screen showed that he had pulled up the song that I uploaded on there. A month ago I put the song out and it had a hundred and fifty thousand views already. I was surprised by the numbers, but I figured they were only like that because people were nosy as hell and wanted to see if the song was trash or not since it had my name attached to it. That was fine with me though. As long as they continued to run those numbers up, I didn't care, I welcomed all ears.