Whispers and Silent Motion (GirlxGirl) (Lesbian)

Chapter 19

"Shit..." Toni mumbled upon seeing Valeriya's eyes open, the fear of the other lashing out caused her to cower back to her side of the car.

Shit, I messed up. I fucked up. She thought over and over again, trying to calm the hot shaking in her limbs. Valeriya sat up in her seat and stared at Toni, who couldn't read her expression. It looked shocked, of course, but she couldn't read whatever else was there. Her silence was deafening.

Say something. Toni pleaded in her head, but the other continued to stare. It was eery how she just stared like that. Her doey green eyes locked on Toni's shaking form.

"I-I'm sorry..." She finally stuttered out, feeling herself crumble under the other's gaze. She brought her gloved hands up to cover her face, feeling trapped in the confines of the car.

Toni jumped slightly when she felt a hand pull her own away from her face, looking up to meet a gently smiling Valeriya.

"Don't apologize." Was all she said before pulling the older woman into her torso in a tight hold. Toni curled there, her head laying against the young Russian's collar bone. She didn't know what had come over her in the moment of their kiss, but all she could feel now was regret.

How could I do that?! While she was sleeping, no less... She felt like a fool. Valeriya is straight and Toni had to remember that, no matter how close the two became.

Someone like Valeriya deserved a lot more than what Toni had to offer, or so she told herself. A wealthy, young, gorgeous, intelligent woman needed more than a reckless assassin to keep her warm at night. She needed someone who could control themselves. Someone who had it figured out. Not someone who jumped countries when things got hard. Who's to say she even enjoyed traveling to the states? It was very possible that Valeriya felt trapped, too. As if she didn't have any other choice. As if Toni didn't give her another choice. But she did, and she wanted her to know that. Oh, God, how she wanted her to know that.

"Toni!" She was forced back into reality by her companion's voice, who sounded a little frantic. Toni didn't know what to say, and she had just realized that Valeriya had been trying to call out to her.

"Why are you crying?" Valeriya grabbed Toni's face in both of her hands and made her look up at her. They were extremely close in this moment. Toni held her gaze for a moment before she had to look away.

"What are you talking about?" She said defensively, pulling away from the other's hold. She didn't understand why she suddenly felt as if she were going to lash out, maybe it was embarrassment.

Valeriya only smiled at the other's reluctance, reaching out to take her hand. She was warm. Too warm. The act of getting caught must have really given her a spook, she reasoned.

"Did I scare you?" The young woman asked, looking anywhere but at Toni's face.

"I thought I scared you." She sniffed, wiping the escaping tears away from her eyes.

"I was shocked, sure. But, I'm not scared of you." She could feel the other cool down as she said the words, feeling a little more at ease.

"I'm sorry..." Toni repeated again, but was ultimately hushed by Valeriya, who reached out and took her face again in her hands.

"Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong." She spoke sternly. "After everything we've been through together, something as simple as a kiss isn't going to frighten me off."

Toni visibly softened at the rejection that Valeriya was trying to pass off as something friendly. A kind rejection was still a rejection, but the way her counterpart was handling it eased her in some ways.

It took Toni several minutes to stop the boiling beneath her skin. She shouldn't have let it get to her this bad, but it did. She touched Valeriya without her permission and that felt wrong. It made her feel dirty in a sense, as if she soiled something between them, even though the other had reassured her about what happened.

Something as simple as a kiss won't frighten me off. And Toni knew that she meant it.

"You should go back to sleep... I'll start the car and drive until morning. Then we can stop for breakfast." Toni finally reasoned, looking over at Valeriya who was leaning hard against her seat, smiling.

"Promise not to surprise me again?" She teased, leaning back in the passenger's seat again. Toni only laughed dryly in response, bringing the car to life with a roar.

She pulled out of her parking spot on the dirt road and drove until she reached the highway again. Her eyes often trailed back to the now sleeping Valeriya. She looked so peaceful, as she often did. It still struck her as odd that she didn't react terribly to the kiss.

Maybe she liked it.

No, now isnt the time to daydream. Toni reasoned, gripping the steering wheel. Yet, as much as she tried to deny it, maybe Valeriya did like it.

That was something that the young woman wasn't ready to admit to her counterpart. The itching curiosity that is the body of a woman. The curiosity of Toni's body in specific. The way her warmth repelled and brought in attention. Valeriya often found herself fighting the urge to touch and feel any and every part of Toni's exposed flesh. Helping her control her body temperature was quickly becoming an excuse just to touch her.

Valeriya slept through the drive, sleeping soundly well into the early morning hours. Toni was too concentrated to stop. There was too much running through her mind, completely forgetting about breakfast. All she could think now was to get to the ocean docks. She could feel a new tension building in the car, and she was wondering when that tension would become too much for the both of them. There was a hope that they would remain calm and collected through the sailing trip, but now... It didn't feel like that thought was so valid. The lingering feeling of something about to happen stuck. It was foreboding.