𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧' 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐚', 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧' 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐚, 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥? 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐚', 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐚'?- 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮
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It had been a week since me and Chris had argued. I felt a hell of a lot worse, though I thought getting away from him was a good idea, that idea backfired immediately. Isolation was the worse decision I could have made for myself till this date and I'll always have myself to blame for it. I was either sniffing everything in sight or smoking every other day, and Andrew would deprive me of what I wanted if I couldn't do what HE wanted. I was having withdrawals from the drugs BAD, and according to Andrew, I 'preform' better when I'm gone out of my mind.
Every time I didnt have what I wanted I resorted to pain pills, and even those were hard to get a hold of with having no real dealer, and having to lie to doctors in the E.R to get them wasn't the highlight of my nights.
Rewinding back to the big argument I had with Chris, he had done exactly what I wanted him to do. He blocked me. After a few days it really hit me like a truck, and I cried for hours until my next 'customer' had came by.
As I cleared my thoughts, I dried my tears and got up from the mattress that was placed on the floor, careful not to wake the sleeping man, or should I say 'dragon', next to me.
Of course I thought of killing him. I could. I should. I won't though.
As I carefully slipped on my sneakers, i walked out of the room, small whimpers leaving my body as I felt my bones pain and ache from the uncomfortable position I was in all night along with the constant abuse from other folk.
I walked down the empty, dirty hall, stepping over drugged up bodies, one person even still having needle in their arm. I slowly made my way to the front door, quickly, but quietly unlocking it before heading out, not even bothering to close the door behind me.
I walked down the sidewalk, heading towards the north side while the cold air blew against my brown skin, my Afro protecting my forehead and ears from the breeze as it continued to blow my way, sending shivers up and down my spine.
I walked the sidewalk until I couldn't anymore, leading myself onto a bridge while fighting the cold with just my long sleeved sweater on. I glared over at the water below the bridge, a salt water smell flowing through my nose as I stopped and stared fully, a calm feeling weighing on my body as I heard the water flow, the sound of cars passing in the back somehow making me calmer than I was.
I sighed and reached into my pocket, pulling out everything I had in them before looking down into the palm of my hands.
I stared down at the blunt, lighter and dime bag of substances, closing my eyes before throwing them off the edge, tears rolling down my cheeks rapidly as I also thought of just sitting on the edge myself and jumping to my end. I'd do it if I didn't have one singular person I wanted to live for. Hopefully that person still cares if I'm not some dead prostitute in a river.
I shook the sinister thought with a dry chuckle, shaking my head and continuing to walk, making my way off of the bridge, quickly before I could act on any intrusive thoughts. After about an hour of walking after that, I finally made it to the street of my destination.
Nervousness filled my stomach as I debated if I should just turn back around and catch the bus back home, forgetting I even came all this way.
Compared to how this neighborhood looks, I should be somewhere at an intersection begging for change. That's how out of place I felt I looked.
I gained a small bit of courage and began walking up to the blue house. It had a beautiful garden in the front and the grass was cut nicely with a stone path leading up to the entrance. I stepped up on the porch and took a deep breath, holding back tears while I began softly knocking on the door before stepping back politely, giving the door space to open.
