Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 8

My headphones are on as I walk across campus to the Photography Club on Tuesday afternoon. They're drowning out the world, and blaring 80's rock that my parents had introduced me to as I grew up.

Nana would be proud, I have already joined two clubs and I have been living on campus for less than a week.

Shit. I should probably call her.

I enter the room in the Art Building, and sit in a chair in the back, while the others talk and greet each other as if they have known each other since middle school. After ten minutes of mindless chit-chat, two guys stand up and address the seven of us. They start by introducing themselves, Craig and Greg, and then tell us what to expect from the club. The club is fairly straightforward, we meet once a week, work on projects and talk about our work. My Photography Professor is the Faculty Advisor, which I'm ecstatic to hear. She's probably my favorite teacher so far. She's eccentric and blunt. She refuses to be called Professor Hale, and has us call her Wimbley.

It's nice to have a place where I can talk to other people who enjoy the same hobby and dream as I do. Though I'm still sitting apart from them, I start to weigh in on their discussions and share my ideas for our first project without hesitation. For the first time in a long time, I feel at ease.

"Hi," says a girl with bright blue hair when Craig and Greg dismiss us, and I'm gathering my things to leave. "I'm Lenora."

"Jesse."

"Nice to meet you!" She beams, her smile is blinding, I need sunglasses just to look at her with all her teeth on display like that. "You're new, right?"

"Freshman."

"I'm a junior! This isn't a bad lot, so I hope you enjoy it."

"Thanks," I reply.

Lenora and I exchange numbers, and then she runs off for her evening class.

As I walk back to the dorm, I pull out my phone to text Nana that I joined two clubs and tell her about Toby, Shelby, and Amy. She replies with two thumbs up.

I regret teaching her how to use emojis, she's stopped replying with actual words ever since.

★ ★ ★ ★

I have my first appointment with my new therapist after dinner that evening. I have been in therapy since I was twelve, so this was nothing new to me, but getting a new doctor ramps up my anxiety. Even just sitting in the back of the rideshare on the way to her office has me feeling jittery and itchy like I had drunk too much coffee and ants are crawling all over my skin under my clothes.

My knee bounces as I wait in the beige waiting room with ugly green chairs. I think the color is supposed to be calming, but it just makes me want to throw up. The receptionist, Sheldon--as he kindly informed me--seems nice, but a little too smiley, like Lenora.

They're probably related.

"Jesse?"

A red-haired woman calls me from the doorway of the office with Doctor Hartland on the placard. Her pants suit is sensible, but I smile at her cactus printed button-up. The cacti make me feel a little bit better.

I stand and follow her into the spacious room. Her office is painted a soft cream white with plants taking over one wall, and books taking over another. In front of the bookcase is her desk, and two plush chairs before that. By the third wall are a loveseat and another chair. The fourth wall is floor-to-ceiling windows that look out to the park across the street.

"I'm Doctor Hartland, but you can call me Morgan if that makes you more comfortable." She sits in the most luxurious office chair I have ever seen, and I stand in the middle of the office unsure of myself. She waits patiently, hands folded on the top of her clean wooden desk. "Please, sit wherever you like."

"What if I choose the floor?"

She laughs softly. "Then we can sit on the floor. It may take me a few tries to get down there though."

I opt for one of the chairs before her desk instead, catching a glimpse of a picture as I sit down.

I nod toward the picture of Morgan with a blond woman and a child. "Is that your family?"

"My wife and son," she answers, "but let's talk about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me."

I purse my lips. I do not want to get into the nitty-gritty of my psyche right now, especially not what happened to lead me to my hundred-day vacation in SunnySide. I clear my throat and play with my wallet chain. "I started College this week."

"I know. How was that for you?"

I don't know what she expects me to say. I mean who the hell starts school three weeks after leaving a rehab center? It's fucking hard. Most times I think I made a fucking mistake in coming here, and sometimes I think it was the best decision I've made so far in my life. I needed a change of pace after everything that happened in April, and I think Freemont can provide that clean slate I need. I should tell her all that, but I just shrug.

"It's fine."

"It's your first time leaving Plainsburg, right?"

I want to ask how she knows that, but then I see my file under her elbows, my name is neatly written out on the tab, and I have this urge to read it, to know what all the shrinks I have seen since my junior high years really think about me.

"You've been talking to Doctor Herrara."

"He sent over your file. Tell me about your first couple of days of classes, Jesse. College is a great time for many young people." She smiles fondly at the picture on her desk. "For many young people, it's the best four years of their lives. They make great friends or fall in love--"

"I highly doubt that's going to happen for me. I just plan to study and graduate. Nothing else. I don't need anything complicated."

Morgan says nothing, so I begin telling her everything that's happened since I stepped foot in the dorm on Saturday.

★ ★ ★ ★

"Sorry, I'm late!" I call out as I swing around the counter at work, tying the red and white striped apron around my waist. "Bus was late."

Wendell scowls. "Don't let it happen again. Take this to table two."

He slides a plate with a chocolate glazed and a cup of coffee at me. I fix my nametag to my apron and carry them both to the table.

"Jess!" Toby greets me as I get closer with his coffee and donut. "I came to say hi on my way to play basketball at the park, but Wendell said you weren't here yet."

I can't help the smile that breaks at the look of sheer eagerness on my roommate's face. "Should you be eating sugar and coffee before playing basketball?"

Toby rolls his eyes. "There's always time for donuts and coffee, Jess." He takes a huge bite of the donut as if to prove his point. "Besides it's not a game, just making sure I'm keeping my skills up until the season starts. Did I tell you I was recruited to come here because of my wicked talent?"

"Twice actually. I'm sure you'll tell me a hundred more times before the year is over."

"A hundred and one."

"Of course you will," I reply, hitting his shoulder.

"Jesse!" Wendell hisses. "Get your ass behind the register."

I nod at the old man, before turning back to Toby. "Enjoy your donut, Tobe. Try not to get sick all over the field."

"You know it's called a court, Lancaster," he grumbles.

I shrug, and walk away, laughing.