Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 28

The next morning we eat breakfast with Adrian's parents and then hit the road again. We arrive at the venue--a trendy bar in Brooklyn--a little after eleven. PW has a sound check at twelve-thirty, so we spend the hour and a half sitting around and watching the other bands rehearse. The bar has an industrial feel with neon lights painting the interior in a rainbow of colors. There are tables in the center and comfy couches lining the concrete walls. Shelby, Abel, and I are sitting on one of the couches, while the rest of the PW crew is sitting at a table nearby.

"When are you going to call Kelly?" Shelby asks not even fifteen minutes after we sit.

I shrug. "I should probably call her soon, right?"

"Right."

The one thing I love the most about Shelby is she has no time for bullshit. She's blunt and honest and gives me a kick in the ass when I need it most.

On the other side of Shelby, Abel is stirring his water with his straw and ignoring me completely. We haven't officially announced our break up, but I think the others already know that it's over between us. There's this strain between Abel and me that is like a rubber band that's being pulled tighter and tighter.

"Poisonous Winter!" Some calls from the stage. "You're up!"

Shelby stands and pats my knee. "Call Kelly."

After they get settled on the stage, PW start by playing their most popular song, one written by Shelby after she and her first girlfriend broke up. The song hits a little too close to the chest at the moment. My eyes keep drifting to Abel as Sebastian sings. His drumming is tense, not at all relaxed--still flawless though. His entire focus is on his sticks as if he's trying to avoid looking around the bar.

I get up, mostly because I can't stand the way the song is making my heart pound in my chest. I find one of the bar employees and ask them to let the PW crew know I left.

The sun is too bright after being in the bar all morning. I blink rapidly, trying to get my bearings and pull out my cell phone.

But I don't call Kelly.

"You're stalling," Toby says when he answers.

"I'm sorry. I can't hear you. What am I doing?"

"Stalling," he replies with the same smart ass inflection I have in my voice.

I smile. "What are you doing?"

"Amy and I decided to have coffee in town, and then they wanted to go thrifting."

I sigh dramatically. "Come pick me up! I love thrifting!"

"I know you love thrifting, but you got shit to do. I'll see if I can find anything for you though." There's a pause. A heavy thing that I'm not really sure what to do with or why it's there. "Be brave, Jay. Call Kelly."

I sigh dramatically again, but with this one comes anxiety and dread. "I will. I just have to work myself up to it."

That heavy pause swells between us again. I can't decipher if it's a good or bad thing. I just know that whatever it is, it only belongs to Toby and me, and because of it, I can't bring myself to end the call with him just yet.

Toby and I talk for another twenty minutes while I walk around Brooklyn, and he and Amy thrift shop in Freemont.

I stop at a bakery to get coffee and a cinnamon roll and then find a bookshop that is selling exclusive signed copies of Brett Cable's new book. Brett Cable is one of Toby's favorite authors, so I don't even hesitate to stop in the chop and buy a copy for him.

The whole time I'm exploring Brooklyn, Toby keeps telling me to get off the phone and call Kelly, but he also doesn't seem in a rush to let me go either.

"Where are you now?" he asks.

"I'm at a park," I reply, settling on a bench. "I'm going to call Kelly now."

"I'm proud of you, Jay. You'll tell me everything when you get back tomorrow, right?"

"Of course. And you'll tell me whatever it is that you have to tell me?"

He chuckles. "I thought you may have forgotten about that."

"Yeah, right. If you think I haven't been worrying about it then maybe you don't know me as well as I thought. And to think I call you my best friend!"

I can almost feel him rolling his eyes through the phone. "Idiot. I'll see you tomorrow."

As soon as we hang up, I dial the number I have saved in my phone as three question marks. Putting Kelly's actual name in my phone made everything feel too real, too confusing, so I had Toby change it to three question marks because I couldn't bring myself to even look at the name and number. I think the question marks are fitting, considering I have no clue what the hell is going to come out of this.

The tightness in my chest clamps down with every ring.

"Hello?"

"Ke-Kelly? This is Jesse."

There's a small pause, and I consider hanging up.

"Jesse. Hi." I try to tell her mood by the tone of her voice, but the truth is: she may be my mother, but I don't know how to read her voice. I don't know shit about her. This woman is a stranger. "It's so good to hear from you. I'm free, would you like to meet for coffee?"

"I-I'd like that." My anxiety is ramping up the longer I talk to her. I squeeze Toby's book in my other hand, letting the hard spine and smooth pages keep me tethered to the ground. "Where should we meet?"