Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 35

The drive from Plainsburg to Philly gives me more than enough time to overthink how my reuniting with Toby is going to go.

What if he doesn't feel like he did before winter break? What if he actually did get back together with Madison?

I had said I was okay with them reconnecting, but part of me wishes Toby wasn't the forgiving and patient type and hated her too much to be friends. 

Petty?

Probably.

Stop freaking out!

I would love to, but I'm programmed to worry about every little thing I can't control.

When I finally reach the airport, my palms are still sweaty, and I'm white knuckling the steering wheel like it somehow offended me.

It takes me an hour to get through security, and fifteen minutes of that is just me trying to undo my wallet chain from my jeans, and putting it back on.

Oh, and the wand picking up my nipple rings, and me having to explain to the very grumpy guard that it was only my purple and black hoops, not a weapon.

I'm very early, Toby's plane doesn't arrive for another two hours, but some dumb part of my brain decided it wanted to be all romantic and meet him at the gate.

I usually have a visceral reaction to people who do sappy shit like meet their partners at the gate with flowers and shit when they land, but here I am waiting in line for a cinnamon roll for Toby, and nervously checking the boards to double and triple check that his plane is arriving at three-fifteen.

I lounge on a bench with one leg kicked up on the seat, and the other jumping up and down with nerves. I pull out my headphones to block out the noise in my own head, and the only way to do that is to put on something loud, something I don't normally listen to like a kpop band Abel got me into when we were dating.

The hard beats and fast rapping quickly calms me down, and it's not long until my nervous tapping turns to my foot tapping along to the beat of the song.

Somewhere in the time I am waiting for Toby, I doze off, and wake to someone shaking my shoulder. The first thing I see is the pair of hazel eyes and the dazzling crooked smile I have missed so much over the last two and a half weeks.

"Fuck," I say, groaning as I sit up. "I was supposed to be jumping up and down, yelling your name when you walked through the gate."

"Instead, I find you drooling on my favorite hoodie."

I narrow my eyes at him. "I do not drool."

His smile grows bigger. "Sure, you don't."

I stand, still glaring at him, but not even a second later, my face softens and I pull the asshole in for a hug, burying my face in his neck.

He holds me tight, and the noise in my head finally turns to silence.

"Did you miss me, Jay?"

"No." I hug him tighter. "You didn't even cross my mind the entire break."

"Lying is not a good look on you, Jay."

"Shut up."

He chuckles. "Let's get out of here."

I don't know what it is about Toby that makes me feel so calm. It's like there was this weight on my chest over Christmas break, especially with seeing Alan again, but the second I looked into Toby's eyes I felt like I could breathe again.

The thought of that--of how much he has come to mean to me over the last three-ish months--honestly kind of scares me a little.

I have never, ever felt like this with anyone, I have never felt this...safe with anyone other than my parents.