Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 32

The moon has fully risen by the time Toby and I even think of moving from the bench. I'm freezing, but so fucking happy that I don't even care that my entire body has turned into a popsicle.

Toby stands first, adjusting his bucket hat that I had knocked askew as we kissed. I'm staring at him, admiring the way the moonlight cuts across his skin, but now when he catches me staring I don't have to pretend I'm not looking. I can admire him openly.

"What are you staring at?" he asks, smirk firmly in place.

I shrug, blushing and glancing away. It seems too sappy to tell him that I think he's the most beautiful person in the world, and that's why I am staring. It's better to just remain silent, and maintain my reputation as my apathetic, sarcastic self, not the love-sick sap that this night has turned me into.

He shakes his head at me, holding out his hand so I can intertwine our fingers as I stand.

We start walking, his hand is tightly wrapped around mine. His fingers are longer than mine, and there's a scar on the back of his hand from when he fell off his bike when he was eleven.

I don't know why I'm so focused on his hand in mine, or the small details of how our hands look wrapped around each other, but here we are.

"Tonight is our last night before the holiday break," he says. "What do you want to do?"

Any other night I would say go back to the dorm and play video games or watch a movie, but my body is buzzing. I'm too wired to be cooped up in our room.

"One of my A/AA buddies is throwing a Christmas party, wanna go?"

"My, my, Jay, you confessed your undying love for me and you're suggesting we go to a party? Who are you? Did you get body snatched in New York?"

"Shut up." I knock him with my shoulder while he cackles like he's the funniest person to ever live. "I never said it was undying."

That only makes him laugh harder.

★ ★ ★ ★

Marla's house is only a short walk from campus. She and her roommates had decorated the outside of their small three bedroom home with so many lights, aliens could probably see it from space.

Inside is decorated from floor to ceiling in a tree, lights, snowmen, garland, and a hand-painted sign that reads:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS WESTBROOK

The air smells heavily of cinnamon and alcohol, perfume and body odor.

"Jesse!" Marla calls. She already looks drunk, and Paxton is holding her up because one of her heels broke, and she doesn't seem to be standing still long enough for him to take it off.

"Hey! Great party!" I yell over a modern, pop version of Santa Baby.

"Aw, thank you!" She takes a large sip of whatever is in her plastic cup. "Food and drinks are in the kit--" the song switches from Santa Baby to a rock version of The Grinch Song, and Marla's eyes go really wide. "Oh! I love this song! Pax, dance with me!" She jumps around, dragging Paxton with her.

"She's not normally like that," I tell Toby with a laugh. "Usually she's really quiet."

"The quiet ones always know how to party."

We weave through the throng of people taking over Marla's living room and find the kitchen where Adrian is leaning against the counter, picking at a tray of crackers and cheese. He smiles when he sees us.

"I see tonight went well, Jess," he comments, raising his eyebrows at our hands.

"How did you know? I didn't even tell you!"