Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 38

Valentine's Day. A holiday that I usually think is overrated, an excuse for companies to make money off saps who feel they need to have a special day to make up for all the stupid shit they have been neglecting to do for their loved ones.

Of course, I hadn't really celebrated Valentine's Day with a boyfriend before. Benjamin had been totally against it, and my one other relationship before Benjamin only lasted two months (October and November, in case you were wondering).

But now I have Toby, and he buys into all that sappy romantic shit that Valentine's Day has to offer. I had to make this night perfect for him.

All day I spend every hour worrying about the instructions I had left for Shelby and Amy. They didn't have class, so I kind of had to leave everything to them while I attended class and photography club.

I wouldn't be able to see Toby all day due to both of our busy schedules, which is probably for the best, since I was beyond nervous. I have never planned a super romantic date, and I had a feeling if I had to see Toby before our date, then I would probably spill the entire plan to him just to see if he would even like it.

After photography club, Amy waits for me outside of the room to walk me to their dorm where I'll be changing into the suit I had found at the thrift store a week ago.

"Oh, you're going to love this, Jess!" They gush, hanging on my arm. "Shelby really outdid herself!"

"Are you sure?" I twirl my lip ring in nervousness.

"Beyond sure! It's going to be the best night!"

Back in Amy's dorm, they put on music, their taste in music aligns with Abel's a lot, and it makes me think about him for a second while I pull the button up over my shoulders. They sit on their bed, hugging a blue koala character while I dress. They're still going on about Shelby's decorating, though they won't tell me anything beyond the fact that it, apparently, looks awesome.

"Oh! Jess, you look amazing!" Amy exclaims bouncing off their bed, and a round yellow and white character falls to the floor. "Here, let me fix your tie."

I look at myself in the mirror. The suit is actually really amazing. It's black and has tiny cobwebs all over in green velvet. Totally not a normal person's style, but I love it. The button up is black and somehow Shelby found a purple bow tie that really worked with the green and black.

"I feel like a proud parent sending their kid off on their first date or something."

I snort. "Toby and I have gone on a lot of dates, Ames. We've even done more than kiss."

"Scandalous!"

I roll my eyes at them. "What about you? No plans?"

They shrug. "I think I need to be single for a moment while I figure out all the shit going on with me up here." They point to their temple. "I don't think I can be a good partner to someone until I work on what has my mind all fucked up."

"Is it fucked up?" I had no idea.

Amy shrugs again. "Just trying to figure out where I fit in the world, ya know? Finally realizing and accepting that I'm agender kinda has me looking at other aspects of my life."

I want to talk about this more, help them figure out whatever it is they need to figure out, but my alarm goes off, letting me know it's time to leave.

"Go get him!" Amy cheers me on, their moment of emotion passing.

★ ★ ★ ★

I meet Shelby where she tells me to. Since her dad's the dean of the college, she kind of gets whatever she wants. I feel like even if Shelby wasn't the dean's daughter, she would still get away with a lot, she has this crazy charm about her that is very endearing and pulls you in. Her dad let us use the ballroom and Shelby had decorated it for Toby and me.

She beams when she sees me. "You look awesome!"

I bow. "Thank you!"

"Here's the keys, please don't forget to lock up or my dad will kill me."

"Really, Shelbs, thank you for doing this."

She bends forward, kissing my cheek. "It was nothing. You crazy kids have fun."

After she saunters off, I enter the ballroom and gasp. Amy was right, Shelby had really outdone herself.

There are string lights twinkling all over the room, and a table set with a beautiful arrangement of flowers and two silver dome lids, hiding the food from Toby's favorite restaurant. On the far wall is a projector playing a slideshow of pictures of Toby and me, individually and together. The first picture I ever took of him snaps on the screen, and I just stare at it.

He's sitting on the hood of his car, looking up at the sky. He's wearing his old high school basketball jersey, and his dreads hang loose around his shoulders.

I took it the day after we met each other, and he had told me it's the first time he's actually liked a picture of himself.

The door opens and Toby walks in. His head swivels, eyes darting everywhere. "What's all this?"

"This is me trying to be romantic," I reply, sarcasm tinging my words because I'm embarrassed. It's been so long since I have done anything this sappy for a partner. "Is it working?"

"Depends. We'll see how the night goes."

I roll my eyes at him, but take his hand and lead him to the table. My palms are sweating, and my ears are burning, but the small happy smile on Toby's face lets me know that he's appreciating this.

We eat the food from Toby's favorite restaurant, we talk about everything and nothing, roast each other, and stare sappily into each other's eyes. Sitting here with him, I kinda get why he buys into Valentine's Day and all the romantic bullshit that comes with it. I want to stay in this space, just me and him, for longer than just the night.

After we finish eating, we watch his favorite movie cuddled up on a huge plush bean bag chair. Halfway through, he stands, reaching his hand out for me.

I look at it quizzically. "What?"

"Stand up."

I take his hand, and let him pull me up. He takes out his phone and hooks it up to the speaker system. Khalid starts singing, and Toby pulls me to him, placing his hands on my hips.

"You know," I say. "I didn't go to prom."

"Really?"

He sways me to the music. I'm very aware of the feeling of his hands on my hips, and I lean closer. I forget to answer his question about prom. I get lost in the closeness of him, and I kiss him. It's amazing that we have kissed a lot since getting together, but each time feels new. Each time feels like I'm kissing him for the first time.

Every time we kiss, I fall in love with him all over again.