The Life We Left Behind

The truth about my feelings for Regina is...

After a successful day of writing his latest novel, Henry closed his computer with a satisfied smile. Finally! Nothing like being back in Storybrooke to get the creative juices flowing again.

He got up from the table at Granny's where he had been spending the day noshing on fries, onion rings and hot chocolate with cinnamon, went up to the register and paid.

Granny shot him a mildly disapproving look – she'd have preferred him to order more than that, but even she knew better than to argue with the son of the Mayor and the Savior.

Instead of home, he headed down to the Rabbit Hole for a pint where Killian would still be on his shift. When he entered, his buddy was polishing glasses behind the counter, smiling over at him standing by the door with a nod. „Hey, mate! Good seeing you! What's it gonna be?"

„The usual", Henry propped himself up on one of the barstools, looking around – there were only few other guests here, even though it was a Friday night, but it was still early.

Killian poured him a beer and put it down in front of him. „There you go. Successful day?"

„Indeed! Cheers!", he raised his glass and took a sip, „Writer's block seems to be a thing of the past. And you? Speaking of successful", he cleared his throat, „Mind you, I really don't want to know the details, but I'm still curious. So can you just blink twice if you slept with my mom last night and we'll leave it at that?"

Killian leaned forward on the bar counter, looked him straight in the eyes – without blinking – and replied: „I did not. But thanks for asking."
„What?", Henry had trouble believing that, „Wha... how? You guys were all over each other, it was a whole second Thanksgiving feast between the two of you!"

„Trust me, I know! And I certainly would and could have gone the distance. But I guess your dear mother has more self-restraint than me. Or, she's really, really not into me."

Henry shook his head. „No, come on! The way she kissed you? She is, most definitely! I could have sworn...", he sighed, „This is ridiculous! You're like two stubborn teenagers, or rather, grumpy old people."

„Well, lad, I don't know if you've done the math, I know our story gets quite complicated here and there, but we actually ARE grumpy old people, the youthful appearance is somewhat misleading."

„You know what I mean... Worst thing is, I know my mom too well. And with her, it's always the same. She's so dead set on keeping herself from happiness at all costs until it's almost too late, and then her heart gets broken. Like with Robin... how many happy years could they have had together had she opened herself up to the possibility of love when it was presented to her?"

„And what you're saying is that she should get together with me asap before I too am obliterated by some demonic ice pickle?"

„No, of course not, that's not what I meant. My point is, my mom can be the smartest, sharpest thinker, but sometimes her mind is just too strong. It overpowers her feelings, her heart, because she doesn't trust it anymore... and all she ends up doing is hurting herself. My mother is a queen indeed, the queen of self-sabotage."

„Aye, that we can both agree on. I've come to know your mother well enough over the years. She's not a lass who needs saving from anybody else, but herself."

„Correct."

„So what do we do?"

„Well, that depends. I need you to be honest with me. Do you have feelings for her? Do you want to be with her? Not Roni... but Regina?"

He lowered his gaze and took a deep breath before answering: „I have to admit it's still not all that easy for me to distinguish between the two, but... I just can't shake the feeling that I know her so well, Henry, and it rips me apart from the inside. I know you don't want details, but when I see her, wearing her suits and dresses, I know exactly what her body looks like if I'd take them off of her. How her skin would feel underneath my fingertips, where I'd need to touch her and which sounds she would make if I did. What it would feel like being inside..."

„... It's alright! Really! I... I get it. But then... what's your point?"

„My point is, I've kissed her, I've made love to that woman countless times before. And still, when she looks at me now, sometimes I see nothing but a stranger. But yesterday... when we kissed... That kiss we shared, it felt so familiar. She tasted exactly like I remembered. Minus the occasional cigarette smoke and tequila residue, perhaps. I knew exactly what it would feel like, kissing her, I knew exactly what she would do, how she would react to me and she did! So what I'm trying to say is, that I realized that no matter who she is, Roni, Regina, a queen, a mayor or a bartender... I am absolutely crazy about this woman. And I have probably been for much longer than I cared to admit to myself. I'm happiest when I'm around her, I feel inner peace, even besides all the turmoil inside me trying to keep my hands to myself. I can't think about anything else. There's only her. So to answer your question, long story short: yes, I do have feelings for her. And I'd be the happiest man to be with her, to be able to call her mine."

Henry's lips pulled upwards into a broad smile. He had known all along! They were meant for each other! „If that's so, then you owe it to yourself and to her to not let yourself be discouraged by her sometimes... or often cold and dismissive behavior. She doesn't mean it, I know it! Deep in her heart, she wants to be wooed, she wants to be conquered. She just wants to be loved, and to be able to love back."

„So you're saying I should seriously start trying to win Regina Mills' favors? How high are the chances that that will get me more body parts that are near and dear to me going up in smoke?"

He laughed. „Well, if you're not being a douchebag about it, I think you're okay."

„And if I were to court your mother, how exactly would I go about that? After all these years I'm not quite sure where we stand on the gift spectrum between flowers and Snow White's head on a plate."

„You're a ladies' man, aren't you? I'm sure you can figure something out. From experience, unfortunately all I can tell you is my mom seems to like men who either know their way around horses or archery. But most of all, I would say she appreciates honesty, openness... imperfection, but the strength to own up to it, to learn from it and grow. And of course, someone who accepts her for who she is. Dark and murderous past and all."

„Aye, that I do. I haven't been a regular Prince Charming in my heyday either, and she knows it."

„Exactly! You understand her. Her desperate chase for revenge, her unconditional love for her child... Just be honest with her. Give her time, don't scare her off, but fight for her, don't let her off the...", he grinned and took a sip of beer, „hook so easily."

Killian clinked his special accessory to Henry's beer glass, his heart was beating faster at the mere thought that he and Regina could really have a future together, that she might feel for him what he felt for her, if he was being really, really honest with himself. „Aye, that I shall do!"

Suddenly, Henry's eyes lit up. „Actually... I got an idea where you can start!"