The Life We Left Behind

You drive me crazy, I want you so bad!

He didn't. In fact, he barely let her finish before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, like he should have done a long time ago, not just days or weeks, but... years! She instantly wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back with a sigh of relief. Her hand found his neck and her fingers ran through his hair when she felt the tip of his tongue against her lips before greeting it with hers. They had had their pretty intense mistletoe kiss just three days ago, but this time it was completely different. This time it wasn't forced, it was real, and he wanted to make sure that he put all his feelings for her into this kiss, he never wanted to let her go.

He barely even noticed how, at some point while they were kissing, they both disappeared in a purple cloud, and he felt the tingling sensation of being poofed in his tummy – or maybe it was just the intensity of their kiss. Either way, when they finally broke apart to catch their breath, they were back home, standing in the entrance area of her mansion. She blushed and lowered her gaze, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she always did when she was slightly bashful, and to him it was the cutest, sweetest little gesture in the world, making him want to kiss her again. And again. And again. And never ever stop kissing her.

She, though, cleared her throat and said with a soft smile: „Thank you for the amazing evening, whether it was a setup or not! I, uhm... I had a great time."

„Me too."

He must have still been smiling at her, completely lovestruck, like an idiot, he was still holding her in his arms, not getting the hint until she almost had to squirm to break free.

„Good night, Killian!"

He blushed and finally let her go, stammering: „Good night, Regina. Sleep... sleep tight. And sweet dreams!"

She gave him another smile and blew him a kiss as she was heading up the stairs.

They both got ready for bed, each of them lost in thoughts, dreaming of the evening they'd just had, the memory of their flirty conversations, their deep looks, their smiles, and of course their goodnight kiss sending shivers down their spines and sending the butterflies soaring in their stomachs.

Killian sat on his bed looking up towards the ceiling from where he could hear the lightest footsteps from the woman he had fallen for, faster and deeper than he'd have ever thought possible. He had to swallow, his heart was still beating suspiciously fast. It wasn't that he would have expected them to go all the way tonight, he hadn't expected anything at all. And still, in the end she was gone again, just as abruptly as the nights before. Only this time he wanted to believe that she wasn't mad at him, at all, but maybe... just maybe she was fighting against her own desire too, as was he, not wanting to give in to temptation just after their first date.

He was right. And he had no idea how hard it had been for her to part ways with him and leave him standing there, looking at her so longingly, almost desperately. She had had to take not one, but two cold showers to calm herself. Tonight he had awaken feelings inside her that she hadn't felt in a long, a very long time, that she had almost forgotten existed.

Now she was sitting on her bed in her satin pyjamas, brushing her hair and catching herself imagining how he'd be with her now, sitting behind her on her bed, she could almost feel his breath in her neck and his hand running over her body, pushing below the waistband of her panties...

She gasped and opened her eyes, blushing at her own imagination. She could hear the blood rushing through her ears and feel her heart beating in her throat. And in the next instant, she was up, walking towards the door with a decision in her heart. She tore open the door and froze on the spot when she was suddenly staring straight into a pair of ocean blue eyes, filled with lust and longing just like her own. His hook was raised as if he was just about to knock on her door. He didn't have to, somehow she had felt it too. That they should be together tonight. Tonight... and every night.

Without another word they continued where they had left off downstairs, kissing each other, even more passionately now, neither of them sure whether it was her pulling him or him pushing her towards the bed – probably a bit of both. Regardless, eventually he was on top of her, unbuttoning the top of her pyjamas, kissing her neck, licking her soft skin, biting her ear as she let out a moan that already threatened to send him over the edge. Almost hungrily he went for her breasts, gently squeezing one with his hand while closing his lips around the nipple of the other, sucking lightly, and she arched her back to meet his touch, reverently gasping his name, giving herself to him almost wantonly. She wanted to feel him... everywhere!

She whimpered and started to shiver as he pushed his hand into her panties to gently caress her folds while he could feel her hand pressing against his erection.

He moaned and had to close his eyes for a second, trying to make sure their heated adventure wouldn't be over before it had properly begun.

„God, you're so wet already...", he whispered into her ear, „You drive me crazy, Roni, I want you so bad!"

He felt her body going tense long before he realized what he had done. And when he did, he needed another few seconds to find the best words to say to her now, none of them being the right words since those didn't exist for a situation like this.

„Bloody hell...", he murmured, running his hand across his face.

She instantly pulled away from him, sitting up, buttoning her PJs with shaking hands. He saw her swallow and desperately avoid looking at him.

„I... I'm so so sorry, Regina, I didn't mean to! Force of habit, or... damnit, I don't know!"

„Stop talking", she said, not loudly, but quite the opposite, which just made it that much worse, all still without looking at him. He could hear in her voice though that she was fighting her tears.

„Just go!"

„Please, let me..."

„Go!"

„Regina, I beg you! I... I love..."

„Don't you dare say it! I don't want to hear it. It's a lie!"

„It's not!"

Finally, she turned around looking at him and the pain in her eyes almost took his breath away and knocked him out cold, and not in a good way. „You know what's worst of all? We're not even together yet, and you're already cheating on me, with myself! Which means I can never ever beat her or even come close to her. And that's just devastating and hurtful... and just so, so unfair."

„Regina..."

He leaned over to her, reaching out to her, wanting to comfort her, but she pushed him away. „I don't want to hear another word! Saying my name now over and over again won't undo what you said before. Now go before snap your neck like a twig, I have killed better men for less, trust me on that, Killian."

For some reason the fact that she just called him by his name, almost gently, felt like another punch in the guts to him. And he could see in her eyes that she wouldn't hesitate one more second to make good on that grim promise, so he retreated.

And just like that, the night ended with both of them crying themselves to sleep, and not with happy tears in each others' arms.