Heartache on The Big Screen

19 | I'm Not So Sure Anymore

They say that emotions can work in ways you don’t want them to.

When you truly hate someone, but it turns out that you can never hate them, because they have this special spot in your heart. Or when Kyle finally starts ignoring you and you should be happy, but you can’t help but feel like the happy balloon inside you has deflated.

After the snap I had at him on Saturday he has been ignoring me ever since, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. Since I came to L.A I have been wishing, day after day, for Kyle to leave me alone, to realise that my life is better off without him, and when he does, I regret that I wished for that.

It’s frustrating because I don’t even know why I feel like this. It’s not like I have any major feelings for him or any feelings at all. He was just classified as an acquaintance, and you’re really not supposed to miss them if they start ignoring you.

It’s week three of filming, and this week I’m just not in the mood. My parents are leaving to go back to Ohio today, but I don’t really want them to go. Today we have to be at the set until ten at night, and we started at seven. Honestly, when you don’t want to be at set, filming a movie actually sucks.

“We’ll stay in your trailer until you’ve finished everything for today,” Mum assures me as she tries to push me out of the trailer. “Well until we have to leave to go to the airport,” she smiles a sad smile.

“Do you need anything before I get to work?” I ask.

“No, we both know where everything is,” she says, successfully getting me out of my trailer. “We’ll be here when you’re ready to go,” she slams the door in my face.

I roll my eyes, huffing out a breath. In all honesty, I was hoping she’d pick up that something was wrong and not make me go to the set today. But my parents wanted to come and see how a movie worked and maybe watch me a little bit before I drop them to the airport.

I turn on my heel to make my way inside the building and to the table reading room. Today, we are filming scene’s eleven to twenty, which are the scenes before the massive fight scene that everyone is preparing for. I can’t wait for that scene so I can yell my heart out to the jerk face I have to work with.

When I reach the room, everyone is already there, chatting aimlessly about their weekend or about the week ahead. I spot Kyle seated in his usual spot; the spot next to mine. He looks up as if sensing someone is staring at him. We lock eyes for a millisecond until he looks back down. Yep, he’s ignoring me. Any other time he wouldn’t held my gaze, until I looked away.

This is what you want, Rayna. You want him to ignore you.

Shaking my head, I walk over to my usual seat saying hello to everyone who greets me on the way past. Once I’m seated, Sophia clears her throat starting the day with welcomes and a few reminders. “We will be having a four hour meeting after this table read. Everyone is expected to attend as this requires all of you,” she says, making sure to look each and every one of us straight in the eye.

She lists off everything else, making sure we’re drilled with this week’s schedule. We jump into the table read after that. Since the scene doesn’t have much of me in it, I don’t pay full attention to the script.

My mind drifts back to last Saturday, the movie premiere. I think over the conversation I had with Kyle, and instantly wince. Even what I said to him was pretty harsh, but I have a habit of saying things without thinking them through first and—ow!

I look up to Bailee who is sitting right in front of me. She is also the reason for the big bruise growing on my leg right now. Bailee gives me a guilty smile, then proceeding to point at her script.