shrek x obama

part 4 i think

Donkey made out passionately with Ed Sheeran, holding him close. Donkey's unconditional love for Ed Sheeran was strong. They both loved each other very much. But somewhere in his heart, Donkey still loved Shrek. It made his heart ache every time he told Ed that he loved him. The misery and despair Donkey felt was consuming him slowly, pulling him into an endless void of darkness.

Donkey pulled away from Ed Sheeran, who was thankful he finally took his grimy lips off him, since Donkey's breath stank like asshole. After all, he probably was eating ass as usual.

"Ed Sheeran-Chan," Donkey began. He fiddled with his fingers nervously. "I'm sorry, but I don't know who I truly love anymore." He tore his gaze away from his beloved to the ground. He burst into tears and his emo haircut covered his eyes. Donkey looked up at Ed Sheeran, who was frowning at him. "You said you loved me," he said in a broken whisper. "You lying piece of shit!"

Donkey flinched at the outburst and twiddled his little donkey fingers again. "B-but Ed Sheeran-Chan.." he stammered, glancing up at him with puppy eyes. "I-I lwove ywou still.." he said and licked one of his hooves.

"What the fuck," Ed Sheeran scoffed and looked at him with disgust. "Why are you pullling some UwU cutesy-wutsey shit?!?!!?" He got up from the bed and left Donkey. "Don't come crawling back to me until you've stopped with that weird uwu doggy kinky shit."

They heard a knock at the door. Ed Sheeran opened the door. In front of him was Joe Biden. The old man grabbed a bag and put it over Ed Sheeran's head. He screamed and Donkey came from down the bed and began biting Joe Biden's ankles, barking ferociously like a rabid dog. Joe Biden began to drag Ed Sheeran away and threw him onto a the roof of a Ferrari. Donkey followed after the vehicle sped away, but Donkey tripped and fell, and he lay on the road, bleeding out. 

Ed sheeran pov 

I let out a groan, clutching my head. I seemed to have hit my head, and now I lay on the floor of some sort of lab. Above me loomed Joe Biden. What the hell happened?!? But then I remembered Donkey's pathetic act and then Joe Biden throwing a bag over my head. 

I sat up. "Why am I in a lab?!" I demanded. Biden smiled and rubbed his gloved hands together. "You see, Ed Sheeran, we are going to clone you."

I panicked. "WHAT THE FUCK BRO???!!! GET THE FUCK AWAY!" I screamed, kicking my legs at him as he neared closer. He suddenly pulled out a gun from his belt and shot my feet. I screamed in agony, and begged God for it all to be over soon.