Until I Met You (Age regression)

6 -Disheveled- EDITED

Listen to this while you read

TW - Bulimia, Self-harm, mentions of suicide

I stand in the doorway, my eyes flickering around the disheveled room, adjusting to the familiar space, something of a forgotten dream. I know it's mine, I really do, but it feels so surreal.

Taking a few strides into the room, I throw Penelope, my pillow, phone, and charger on to my unmade bed.

Taking a deep breath, I gaze over to the ajar attached bathroom door, my stomach churns remembering all the blood.

I walk toward my bathroom door, my eyes fiercely shut, slowly opening them, I take one last step in.

The blood was gone, left to be something of a distant, hazy nightmare.

I looked over toward the sink, my razor wasn't there, neither were the empty pill bottles.

Opening the cabinet under the sink, I looked inside, none of my razors were there either.

One of my only ways to cope was gone.

I shut the cabinet when I heard Livi call out my name.

"Yeah?" I walked out of the bathroom.

"C'mon, Beatrice made lunch," She waved me over.

"Kay," I linked my arm with her, walking in time with each other down the hall, almost snickering when I think about how we're just like Elsa and Anna from frozen.

We came into the large dining room, bowls of fruit, and sandwiches laid on the table, displayed perfectly. Honestly, Bea is far too amazing at table placements.

"Thanks Ms. Bea!" I yelled, my voice echoing throughout the room.

"Keep your voice down!" Livi shushed me, but Beatrice cut her off, albeit unknowingly.

"You're welcome, honey! Eat up!" Her graceful voice, light, almost whimsical, echoed from the next room back to me.

I sat down, next to Oli, of course. Grabbing half a sandwich, I plated it and got a bottle of water from the centre.

"Eat more, you little hobgoblin," Livi rolled her eyes and pointed to another half sandwich.

"I'm not that hungry, you little squirrel." My stomach rumbles, contradicting my earlier statement. I pray that she doesn't hear it.

"Awwww, squirrels are cute though! Thank you!"

Slowly, I'm able to let out a breath. I copied her previous actions, rolling my eyes, and turning back to my plate.

Cautiously, I picked up the sandwich, taking a small bite, before my mouth started watering at the taste.

I yelled with my mouth full, "I love you, Ms. Bea!" coming out a little muffled.

"Love you too, sweetheart!" My chest warmed at that, she had always been more like a mother to me than my own.

Continuing to stuff my face, my stomach churned, a small reminder of what I had to do once I was done.

Finishing my half sandwich, I started chugging water.

I did this knowing that it would make it easier to throw up all that I'd previously eaten.

"Livi, I'm done, I'mma go changeee, love chuuuu."

"Bye, loser, I love you too," She gave me a small wave as I got up, not having the slightest idea of what I was about to do.

***

I walked into my bathroom, getting on my knees in front of the toilet, bracing my arms on the sides, and shoving two fingers down my throat, making me gag. Eventually, the smell of vomit graced the room.

I sat back, getting off my knees and onto my butt, then sliding backwards, my back eventually hitting the tub.

I sighed, letting my head fall back, hitting the bath. The events of a few days ago played out behind my eyelids, and I let it. I didn't once open my eyes, I let myself endure it all, till the end, or what I believed was the end, the moment I thought I died in my father's arms. The image of blood stayed, the image of my arms oozing it, getting on everything around me, seeing red. Comfort flooded me when I remembered the familiar sting and cut of the blade, I longed for the feeling to resurface, but this time, for real; To see and feel it all, at the moment, not replaying, but making a whole new scene. This time, the end scene, the big finish. The ending that everyone remembers. I can already imagine it now, the end.

Maybe.

***

That night I couldn't sleep, so I did what anyone would do. I went out, to the capital of England, one of the most popular places in the U.K. Smart idea. Note the sarcasm. Please.

I snuck past the front entrance, expertly, if I might add. I learned from experience, I've been doing this since I was 15, so, I've been doing this for about 7 years.

I pull my black sweater sleeves past my fingertips, trying to hide the bandages from any press that might somehow see me, the last time I was caught, I was 17, so it's not very likely they'll find me.

Although, there are some rumours about my presence in the area I mostly hang around, but no real proof, so It doesn't matter, even if it makes me sick to my stomach.

I sigh, shrinking under my only source of warmth. I stroll down the streets of London, my gaze downcast, only every so often peeking up from behind my lashes.

I continue walking for a few blocks before I come across a shutdown art gallery with a 'for sale' sign in the front, battered and worn down from the relentless rain.

I come around to the back door of the gallery, which takes a while because it's quite large. I spot the familiar back door, I grin, coming closer to it and finally opening it to reveal a messy stairwell.

Around 3 years ago, I came across this place, then it wasn't so- ...run down? It was actually quite welcoming, so I tried to find a way in. After contemplating breaking the windows a few times, I came across the back door. Even though I was searching for a way in for 2 weeks, I didn't even think of a door. Literally, a door, one of the most simple things, and it's very easily forgotten to lock them. When I finally did check the back door, I found that it wasn't locked. Lucky me.

Since then, I've come back, almost every night for 3 years, instead of spending all my time in the disgustingly-expensive Buckingham Palace.

Coming here was one of my favourite things, one of the few things that brought me joy, even on the darkest of days.

I carefully walk up the concrete steps, holding on to the railing, the stairs feel sturdy under my weight, comforting.

I open the door to the roof, cold air immediately hitting my face, I close my eyes as I feel a small smile grace my lips.

I lift my lids, only to see someone sitting down close to the ledge, even if the drop isn't that much, my heart skips a beat, a lump growing in my throat.

I warily take a silent step forward.

Cliffhanger~

;)