Sun and Moon

Almost - 13th February

I know I said that

I want what's best for you

But I just can't stop

Missing and thinking about you

So instead I cope up with written sceneries

That are now hurting memories.

I know I'm the one who decided

That I'll stay and wait for you

But why does it feel so uncertain

Because I think this has happened before

Yet you're a different person

So I don't know exactly what to expect.

I know  I'm stronger than this

I am firm and independent

But sometimes

When I think about you

I can feel the urge of

Coming to you

And just being there

But I stop it because my space isn't what you need right now

But do know that when I think about it

I almost do it.

Sometimes I also get the urge of

Messaging you

To know how you're doing

Or how was your day

To non-maliciously talk about the weather

Or to just be there

Because I want to feel you again

Yet I stop it because

You don't need me clinging to you again

But do know that when I think about it

I almost do it.

Sometimes I think about how it would feel to have your head on my chest

Hearing every heartbeat like it does say words

You just resting there and not saying a word

It's exactly how we wanted us to be

I want to make you feel how unique a person's warmth is

When they love you, and you love them

I want to let you know how my hair smells so that

You can know how your future home could smell like

I want to tell you how lucky I am to be the woman you want

Yet deeply unfortunate because I get to be the woman you leave soon

But I stop them because

I don't want to seem desperate even if I am

I don't want to seem miserable and vulnerable

I don't want you to feel like once I'm here, I'm here forever

I don't want to scare you away with how much love I could offer

But do know that when I think about these

I almost do them.