The Attachment

Chapter 20

"I'm sorry." I whisper fiddling with the bottle of water in my hand, peeling the label with my fingers. I feel Colby's eyes fall on me for the first time since we sat out here and I can't find myself to look.

"You don't have to apologise. I'm sorry. I didn't ask. And it's not something we've talked about." His voice isn't cold, it isn't hard but gentle, soft, like he's remorseful.

"It's not that I don't want to." I say scooting closer to him which I think surprises him. His arm comes around my shoulder pulling me closer to him. "I..."

I haven't told anyone but Jc. I want to tell him. It's part of me. I want to build something with this guy even if I don't know him. "I haven't had...sex in more than 6 months." I say. Colby doesn't say anything, like he's giving me a chance to say what I need to.

"I..."I sighed and turned a little in his arms so I could look at him. I put my hand on his jaw. "Can I kiss you? I know I just...probably made you feel like shit but I'll expl-" he cut me off by placing his lips gently to mine. It calmed me.

"You didn't make me feel like shit. You scared me. I'm worried about you." He says against my lips.

"I moved here almost two years ago. I didn't know many people and I was looking for a job so I took this random one at a photography studio, just helping out. I met a couple models who I started hanging out with. We'd party...a lot. The days were blurry at times but I had fun. I thought they cared for me. I had friends for the first time. I felt like I was actually living. Like moving to LA was worth it." I gulp some of the water down. Colby's eyes are still on me and he's got this worried look that kind of breaks my heart. I never want him to look at me like that.

"Anyways. One night we went out and I met this guy. Chris. He made me feel wanted, and I'd never had that from a guy before. I thought I was in love in a matter of days. We dated. And then when it came to sex he started hinting that he was ready for that. I wasn't. I was a virgin who was scared. I kept telling him I wasn't ready. He'd always say he understood. But then the longer we spent together the angrier he seemed to get that I didn't want to be with him in that way yet. Eight months ago he came to my place after like one in the morning and he was drunk. He put his hands on me, started hitting, yelling, then he...I begged him to stop. He...he didn't." I broke down again the sobs wracking my body as I buried my face into my hands again. Colby stiffened beside me. And when I pulled my face from my hands his face was stone cold, he was angry.

"He...he took that from you?" He asked. "He took it. He didn't let you give that to him...he stole it?!" I could hear the venom in his voice as he asks. Colby rubs his hand down his face.

"Y-yeah...I-I woke up in a puddle of blood. M-my arm was broken. I...I thought I was going to die. I was in a coma for a month. None of my supposed friends visited. Rehabilitation took a while. And I got out 6 months ago. I tried to go out. I tried to reclaim my life but it was hard. I met Jc, and he became my friend. My first true friend here in LA. He helped me a lot. I started going out again a little bit. I tried having sex with other people, to take that back. Make it mine again. It'd usually end up with me getting blacked out drunk until I don't remember it." I look down afraid of his eyes. Then his hands are on my chin pulling my face up to his.

"I'm sorry you went through that. I really am." His voice breaks like he could cry. "I won't ever, do that okay? Never. Whenever you are ready. It's all up to you okay?" I nod and he presses his lips to mine.

"But if I ever see him again. I'll kill him." Colby says and I'd like to think he isn't being serious. But his voice is stone cold and hard. "No one, gets to hurt you again." He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him. And it feels safe. I believe him and it scares me that I do. We sit for a little bit on the balcony in each other's arms until Sam calls out for Colby. "Hey are you coming to join us in the pool?" Sam yells up.

Colby waves him off but he pulls away and stands up holding his hand out to me. I Take it and get up off the loveseat. "I'm glad you told me." He says softly, pulling me into him, "I don't know what it is about you, woman. But you drive me crazy. I can't stop thinking about you." Colby kisses my cheek, "I feel like I haven't known you for long but I'm fucking crazy about you. I want to protect you, I want to never make you feel like he did."

I blush and stand in my tip toes to press our lips together. "I'm crazy about you too."

"Let's go hang out with everyone, then we can go get lunch or something."

I nod and follow him all the way to the backyard where Sam, Kat and Jake are all awake and in the pool. Sam gives me soft smile that has a tinge of worry in it and I assume they might have heard me crying from the balcony. That or it was probably very visible on my face. After hanging with everyone for a few hours. I go upstairs and change and gather all of Oakley's things. Colby and I climb into my car while Oakley settled on the backseat. We went to a McDonald's drive-thru and then took the food back to my apartment. We ate and cuddled on the couch. Colby put on a scary movie he liked and we watched it until we fell asleep on the couch only to be woken up by Oakley begging for his food.

The day was well spent and I felt closer to Colby now that I had told him my past. He never looked at me with pity, but I could tell he worried. I sat on the couch and watched him roll around the rug with Oakley and I thought to myself that maybe I wasn't falling anymore. Maybe I had fallen, crashed and burned that morning and there was no going back.