TransBoo

5.

enjoy!

tw: gender dysphoria, swearing, unsafe binding/using bandages to bind, vague descriptions of afab chest, not eating properly, deadnaming/misgendering ( please tell me if any are wrong or missing, stay safe <3 )

Ranboo's eyes flickered open as bright light shone through his bedroom window. He groaned and shoved his pillow over his head. After lying there for a few minutes and realizing that he wasn't going back to sleep so Ranboo sat up and stared at his wall blankly. Eventually he came back to his senses and rolled his head over to stare at his phone. Glaring at the piece of metal and plastic, Ranboo outstretched his arm and picked it up, opening it to see a few messages, predictably, from Tubbo. Sighing, Ranboo slid open the notifications, briefly glancing up at the time. 6:53am.

Tubbo

boo

boo

boo

boo

boo

wait

what time is it for you

shit it's 2am

i will have yo to wait for you idiot

sleep boss human

Ranboo laughed and began typing a reply.

Ranboob

i was in fact asleep

but now

i am awake

what did you want

Tubbo

RANBOO

HI

HI HI I

OH YEAH

well hello

what time does your flight leave

i must know

please

i asked nicely

Ranboob

wow ok

it leaves at 7am

tomorrow

7am PST

so

3pm ur time

Tubbo

ok

thanks

Ranboob

np?

Ranboo closed his phone and rubbed his tired eyes. He had to stream later that day so he thought he should probably start packing. Thought being the key word. Instead he swung his legs out of his bed and walked himself down the hall into the bathroom. Glancing at himself in the mirror, he felt disgusted. Even though he was wearing a baggy shirt and baggy sweatpants, he could still see his chest and his curves below the fabric. He hated it. All of it. His eyes moved up to his face. Oh his horrid face. He hated how feminine his face looked, the shape, his eyes, everything. Especially today. All he could see was a girl. The voices in his head were chanting.

Girl girl girl girl girl girl girl girl gi-

He slammed his hands onto the counter. No. He wasn't a girl. He was Ranboo. And Ranboo was a boy. Shaking his head, he turned on the hot water of the shower and took off his clothes, trying as hard as he could to not look down at his disgusting body. He stepped into the shower and sat on the floor, a habit he had picked up as a child and was never able to shake. Letting the hot water drip down his skin, warming him to his core, and he thought. Thought about how excited he was to meet Tubbo. But. Would Tubbo know? Would he know as soon as Ranboo walked off the plane? He hoped not. I mean he hadn't noticed yet, had he? And he had seen his face and heard his voice. No one had suspected a thing. Maybe he passed well? But how the fuck would he pass when he had two fucking tits attached to his chest, reminding him everyday that he wasn't a real boy and never fucking would be. Leaning his head back, Ranboo let the water dampen his dirty blonde hair, turning it dark brown. The water stung his eyes but he just blinked it away, letting it drip down his face, burning his skin. He pulled his knees into his chest and stared blankly at the wall, thoughts whirling through his mind at a million miles an hour. Eventually he pushed himself off the ground and grabbed his shampoo bottle. He lathered his hair in the soapy bubbles and took in the smell. It smelled terrible. Well, it didn't smell bad, it just smelled...feminine. He hurriedly rinsed the shampoo from his hair and applied the conditioner, rinsing it out as soon as he could so his hair wouldn't smell feminine. After all the product was gone from his hair, Ranboo sat back down on the floor of the shower, staring at the droplets of water sliding down the foggy glass.

After staring at the wall for what felt like years, Ranboo pushed himself to his feet again and turned off the steaming water. He only now realised that he had forgotten to bring a change of clothes with him. He wrapped the towel around himself and hurried into his room. Ranboo pulled open his drawers and grabbed his dysphoria hoodie, which was a stupidly oversized beige hoodie he had gotten a while ago, and some baggy black jeans. Ranboo went to pick a binder from his drawer then realised that all of them were in the wash for his trip to the UK. Fuck. He couldn't not wear a binder today, his dysphoria was too bad, he had to have something, anything, to flatten his chest. Flicking his eyes around his room, he spotted a roll of ace bandages lying on his dresser. It was a dumb idea but it was the only one he had. Ranboo pulled on his boxers and jeans and grabbed the bandages. Standing in front of his mirror, he tightly wrapped the bandages around his chest. The compression was welcome after not wearing a binder for two days. He clipped the bandage in place and pulled his hoodie over the top. After adjusting the front of his hoodie slightly, Ranboo walked out of his room and down into the kitchen, where Pinot greeted him cheerily. He patted her head and walked over to the pantry, pulling out some crackers. Not a breakfast of kings but it would do. Ranboo actually had shit to do that day so, when he was full enough, he put the box back in the pantry and walked back up the stairs.

Once he had packed his backpack with his snazzy Minecraft wallet, house keys, pen knife, headphones and a portable charger, he pushed his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and went down to the front door. As he was about to turn the door handle he was stopped by his mother's voice behind him.

"Now where do you think you're going?" Her voice was cold.

"Out," he replied, flatly.

"I don't think you are."

"Well I think I am. I'm leaving the country tomorrow and I need a few things from town."

"I'm just worried about you."

"Bullshit."

"I wouldn't want a young woman all on her own out in the big city, something might happen."

"For the last time, I'm not a fucking girl." Ranboo spat through his teeth as he whipped around, anger threatening to burst, but before he could yell any more his dad came up behind his mom, resting his hands on her shoulder.

"Come on now, Susan. Nessa is just going out into town, she's old enough to take care of herself." The words coming from his father's mouth stung but he knew he was just saying it to make him mom leave him alone. She reluctantly nodded and turned around, leaving just Ranboo and his father staring at each other.

"I'm so-"

"No, it's fine. I get why you did it. Probably for the best." Ranboo's dad nodded and sighed.

"Well, have fun, text me if you need me to come pick you up or anything."

"Will do, dad." Ranboo turned and walked out of his house into the warm summer air.

hi chat!

how are you today? i hope you're doing well :]
what do you think of the chapter?

you are loved and so so so valid. remember to eat something, drink some water, take a shower and bind safely if you bind! don't be like ranboo in this chapterrrrr. you are beautiful/handsome/pretty/amazing/pog/cool/swag and i love youuu <3 

feedback is welcome and appreciated,