Dysphoria- An Umbrella Academy Fanfiction

†unwanted reunions

Octavia stumbled out of the taxi, which was thankfully not the man who usually collects her at night, and splashed muddy water on her shoes by accident. She regarded the glass emblem of an umbrella imbedded onto the door with as much dis-attachment as one could when one could barely look at an umbrella motif without one's breath quickening.

She was so, so tired. Tired of everything and everyone. She didn't want to touch the doors, let alone open them, not just the memories that would return, but because she didn't want to see any member of her family. Well, maybe Klaus. And Vanya. But she would never admit the latter to herself.

She sniffed and shifted on her feet slightly, her legs covered in dark bruises.

Octavia opened the door with as little energy as was physically possible for her to. Her heart felt like it was made of obsidian, and was so heavy it was hard to walk.

Rubbing a thumb over a cigarette burn on her wrist, she stood awkwardly in the hallway for a few moments, bile rising in her throat. She felt a bit like the last lamb standing after a wolf had eaten all her friends, and he had just cornered her, she felt like she was about to turn herself inside out.

The house was beautiful though. White pillars supporting a balcony that overlooked the main hall, a grand staircase leading up to it. Octavia had long ago perfected the way to walk so she wouldn't make a sound on the squeaky marble floor, and she was automatically walking that specific way now.

It was beautiful, but it made her feel sick.

God, she was dying for something. A type of itch she really, really needed to scratch.

'Via?' A voice from the living room cut through her thoughts.

Octavia's heart missed a beat, not only because she was startled, but because she realised who was talking to her.

'Vanya!'

'Why do you sound so excited, Octavia? She doesn't want to see you, you're embarrassing yourself. Why am I not surprised?'

Octavia bit her bottom lip until she could faintly taste blood, but stopped when she heard a clacking sound come from the staircase, and was reminded that Allison was never as good at sneaking around as she was.

'Via, you're... actually here? We didn't think you were gonna make it, you seem so busy lately.' Allison held herself with such self confidence it left Octavia in awe sometimes. She was in awe about everything that involved her sister, her career, her looks, her child. Everything Octavia did seemed like a watered down version of what her sister had already done.

'Oh, uh, quite busy,' she forced a laugh. 'But I couldn't miss this Ali, I mean we never all get together!'

She skirted round the fact that the last time they had all got together was for her own intervention.

'But, I'm fashionably late as always!'

'If that's what you call having to find your way back from a strangers house with a needle all but hanging from your arm, then yes.'

Her dry lips cracked as she forced another smile.

Allison giggled, a sound that hadn't changed for over twenty years.

"Well, I think Luther wants to start a "meeting" in a few minutes or so, the others have all arrived, but they're scattered somewhere around the house."

Allison smiled at her sister, and enveloped her into a hug. Octavia melted into her, smelling Shea butter and washed hair, she had missed her family a little, she decided she could admit to herself.

Octavia smelled of wine, tobacco and sweat, a scent which Allison hadn't smelled since she had hugged her sister as she dropped her off at rehab.

They separated, a slightly more genuine smile on Octavia's face this time.

"I'll go find Luther so we can get this meeting over with." Allison squeezed Octavia's hand, before turning on her heel and heading back upstairs.

Octavia and Vanya were left alone, and Octavia picked at her cuticles and didn't meet Vanya's eyes.

Vanya cleared her throat slightly.

"I'm glad you made it," Vanya told Octavia "You seem...better. Than before, i mean. Rehab went...okay?"

He laughed inside her head.

Rehab, obviously, did not go well for Octavia.

"Oh, yeah, it was fine, good yeah."

"How's work?"

"It's good, yeah, a lot easier since, you know...thanks."

Work had not been 'easier' than before since Octavia went to rehab, it was a lot harder when she was briefly sober, and then when she very quickly relapsed it became slightly easier.

And why did she always feel she had to thank them? They didn't do anything, she was just fine before, and then they made her think there was something wrong with her, which there isn't, she's fine.

She knows that's a lie, even when she's thinking it.