Dysphoria- An Umbrella Academy Fanfiction

The Opticians (not really)

"As I said to your son earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential. Without the client's consent, I simply can't help you."

The doctor was sat, hands together in a prayer position, shooting annoyed looks at Five as he spoke, his thick American accent shining through like light on thin paper.

"Well we can't give consent if you don't give us a name." Five snarled. He looked back at Klaus and Octavia, who had their hands clasped around each others and were stifling their laughs, both now wearing suits.

"Well, that's not my problem." The man drawled. "Sorry. Now, there's nothing really more I can do, so-"

He was cut off by Klaus sitting up in his chair and untangling his hands from Octavia's.

"And what about my consent?"

Octavia gave her husband a side glance, cocking her head slightly in confusion.

"Excuse me?" The doctor asked, not bothering to hide his judgement any longer.

"Who gave you permission..." Klaus started to fake cry, "...to lay your hands...on my wife and son?"

Octavia, having now clocked Klaus' genius plan, unbuttoned her suits shirt while Klaus reached round and messed her hair up. She hopped up unto the bewildered man's desk.

"What?" Five and the man said at the same time.

"You heard him." Octavia snarled, looking out the window.

"I didn't touch your wife or your son."

"Oh, really? Well the how did he get that swollen lip, then? And, oh how dare you! How dare you harass my wife, and, when she no doubtedly rejected your advances how dare you push her into your desk! Or at least, that's what I assume happened, do you agree, wifey?"

"Verbatim what happened, my love."

"He doesn't have a swollen lip, and I never touch-"

The doctor was cut off by Klaus landing a swift punch to Five's face which sent him reeling back in pain. At the same time, however, Octavia smashed her face into the mans glass desk , making a massive crack where her face had been.

She immediately held her nose in pain as blood gushed out of it, staining her beautiful suit.

She stood up and leant forward over the desk, dripping blood onto the mans documents.

"Name please and now..!" Octavia chirped.

"You're crazy." The man's voice shook as he spoke, pointing a shaking finger towards Octavia.

"You have no idea." Klaus chinned in, hanging over the back of his 'wife'.

He grabbed a snow globe from around Octavia that had miraculously survived the impact of her head,

"Peace on earth. That's so sweet." Klaus gushed, reading the inscription on the bottom of the globe and then smashed the snow globe into his face.

"Mi Amore." Octavia said, picking pieces of glass out of her husbands hair.

"I'm calling securi-" Klaus reached forward and furiously snatched the phone out of the doctors hand."What are you doing?" The man yelled, but Klaus held a finger to his face to shush him.

"There's been an assault... in Mr Big's office, and we need security, now!"

They both sighed, exhausted by their little performances.

Octavia reached over to him and grabbed his tie, pulling his face dangerously close to hers.

"Now, here's what's going to happen, Grant." She whispered