affairs

Chapter 7

Demi.

2 weeks after.

"Demi, you go in 5."  I sighed and looked in the mirror, I felt horrible in that shiny suit, in recent weeks I had gained weight, I wanted to vomit seeing myself like this, I regret eating that soup today.

"You look beautiful." I heard Jill's voice behind.

"I don't think so."

"You should. I think that of all the concerts on the tour, today is the one where you look the most beautiful, honey." I listened to her and I wanted to force myself to believe her, I wanted to cry until I listened I remembered that I have to go on stage.

When I left the stage, everyone congratulated me, I had to change my clothes and go in to sing with Nick.

"Hi Demi." I heard a female voice behind me while I was drinking water and Cesar was finishing my hairstyle, I looked at that women but then I saw Nick behind her. Cesar gave me a look, smiled and left.
"Hi." Nick probably realized that I didn't know who that woman was.
"Dems, she's Priyanka, my girlfriend. Pri, she's Demi... My best friend." Does this girl know that two weeks ago we were fucking? Probably not, she wouldn't be so happy to meet me.
"Oh. Hi, Priyanka. Nice to meet you." She wanted to continue talking to me, but luckily, she was interrupted by Phil, who told us that was time to go to sing. I started to walk towards the stage behind Nick, and I felt a lump in my chest. I wanted to cry, to cry all night. I felt weak, replaceable, vulnerable. 
I tried to take a deep breath to calm down, but I couldn't, my breathing was shaky, my lips and hands, but, why? Nick and I have nothing, I have seen a thousand of girls being with him, kissing him, touching his leg, smile at him, and I never felt this way.
We started singing "Close" and I tried to hold on but my hands were shaking like never before, then, I sang "Stone Cold" and it was even worse feeling Nick looking at me, If I broke, it would be a complete humiliation in front of him and my entire team, all my fans, and Priyanka.

I sang a few more songs, and finally, the show was over, I got to my dressing room and there was Lauren and Kelsey, my assistant, I tried to act normal, I changed my clothes, I put up my hair and when we were about to leave, I felt Lauren's hand on my arm "Are you ok?"

"Yeah." I gave them a smile, Kelsey watched intently from behind. I turned around and started to walk out of the room, I could hear Nick and Priyanka laughing behind me.

5 days after.

"You have to be kidding me." Sophie said, Joe's girlfriend, they have been dating for some months and she's my friend now.

"I would LOVE to be kidding, but I'm not." I said in a breath.

"I've known her for a few days, and girl, you're better." I laughed on the phone. "She and Nick... I don't ship them at all. You guys would be the IT couple of Hollywood."

"We're friends. I just don't like her for him, it's all."

"Yeah, and I believe you." I rolled my eyes while drinking a glass of juice.

"Tell me about something else, you and Joe, how's everything going?"

"Great, we are taking a quick trip to London to see my family two days and then we'll wherever you are on the tour. Where'll you be next week?" She asked

"New Mexico."

"We'll be there."

"Good. I need some recognizable faces."  I sighed.

"I can't believe my brother-in-law is actually being that jerk. "

"It's not him. It's everything, I can't wait to this damn tour to end." Now I wanted to cry, again.

"It's almost there, darling."

My call with Sophie ended and then I stayed for a few minutes in the cafeteria, looking at my plate of food, prepared especially for me, since my mother decided to create a whole menu for me to be sure that I eat something.
I swallowed hard looking at that plate full of fish, God, It didn't even look tasty, even though my chef said it had all the protein I needed.
When I was going to try to eat, I saw the couple in love go down the elevator, without thinking twice, I got up from the table and was about to throw the plate in the trash, but I decided to give it another chance, so I asked someone to a disposable plate to take to my room, they said that in a few minutes they'll take it to my room so I disappeared from that place in some seconds.

I got to my room and changed my clothes, I put on a nice yellow dress and just at that moment the fish that I had seen a few minutes before in the hotel kitchen arrived.
I sat on the bed and looked at that fish with vegetables. I ate a few bites and noticed that I was hungry, I was so hungry, I hadn't eaten since the previous afternoon.
I finished eating that dish and then I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, I felt guilty now, the dress didn't fit me as well as it did a few minutes ago, I also noticed my hair, Is this what my hair looked like when Nick saw me in the cafeteria? I looked horrible and disheveled, the brown color with blonde highlights didn't fit me one bit anymore, then, my legs, God, they looked so big and horrible, and my waist was the same, full of cellulite and stretch marks, when did that amount appear? I didn't have time to go to the gym until the tour was over, but during the rest of the tour I had to lose weight.
I sat on the floor and started crying, I felt frustrated and horrible.
I sighed and thought about the only way to get rid of the guilt, the frustration, I knew I'd regret it later
I had no one to talk to, I had no one to make me feel safe, I missed Wilmer, my mom, Marissa.