Seeker of my Heart

22. Payback Backfires

I fidgeted with my wand as I listened to Professor Slughorn debating with Brave about the proper use and storage of a bezoar for the last half hour. My frustration level was so high that my mind was consumed with images of tearing my hair out and screaming so loudly that it popped the stupid Head Boy's ears right off his arrogant face. I smirked as the image played out in gruesome and satisfying detail in my mind.

I shivered in the cold dampness of the dungeon classroom and wished not for the first time that Vyanya was here. She and Caleb were cutting classes all day today, something they did each year since they started dating. I was expecting it but I didn't like the way not having them around made me feel naked and vulnerable. Even if I couldn't bring myself to tell them why Jimin and Jeongguk were looking for me, or why Yoongi was scowling over me in that dark corridor, being around them made me feel more like myself.

Without them here to laugh with me or just calmly exist in my space, my mind kept replaying that scene over and over again in obsessive detail. It made the dropping temperatures of the late winter feel even harsher and the shadows that lurked in dark corners seem more sinister.

I shook my head, I knew I was being a bit dramatic and over reacting, but I hadn't had enough time between what happened and now to regain even a semblance of whatever Gregory stole from me in those moments. I chewed on my lip and looked up briefly, willing my brain to literally think about anything else.

My heart stopped dead in my chest and my breath caught in my throat when I realized that Yoongi was staring directly at me. His expression was still mostly blank. To the casual observer it might even appear like he was staring off into space and his gaze was unfocused. But I'd been watching from the corner of my eye long enough to recognize both confusion and worry on his impassive face.

I swallowed convulsively and dropped my eyes, my heart hammering in a mixture of longing and frustration that nearly undid me. I still wanted him so desperately that my heart ached with each beat and my stomach twisted into knots that felt like they would never unravel. It felt worse now than it had when I confessed, I would rather he ignored me than feel sorry for me.

I didn't need his sympathy or worry. I didn't want it because it meant nothing. He was just being a good person because he was so, so good and kind and warm. I shook my head and bit my lip harder. I yearned to follow that look of worry in his dark eyes and see if it would lead me into his arms but I knew that wasn't what this was.

Yoongi's concern was nothing more profound than what he would feel for a dying raccoon that got hit by a car. The raccoon meant nothing and while it may be sad that a living creature's life was cut short, it would leave no trace on a mind or heart when it left. It wasn't what I wanted and it wasn't what I needed. He could keep his false compassion locked away in his unreachable heart for all I cared.

I lifted my gaze enough that I could glare at him before the class ended and I quickly grabbed my bag and dashed out of the room. I didn't have another class for the day and I debated whether I should bring my things back to the dorm or just find a quiet corner to wait out my friends return. I wasn't into running away from Gregory but I didn't know how to face him now.

I snorted a little as I chose to wander the halls, tallying up how many punches to Gregory's face it would take to make that memory disappear from my mind. I hefted my bag over my shoulder and whisked it away to my dorm before being distracted by something at my feet. I looked down at the white and black cat and smiled, kneeling so I could pet his loudly purring head.

"I'm beginning to wonder if you are a ghost, Mr. Kitty." I said quietly as I examined him closely. Most of his fur was pure white except for a black, almost snake like, strip of fur running down the middle of his back and up his tail. His eyes were an unusual dark brown that almost looked black and he had a very distinguished face. This was only the third time I'd seen it around when I wasn't crying like an idiot.