Crimson Flame

thirteen

h.

"Harry...I love you..."

My Esme Payne loves me. She actually loves me.

To be honest, I didn't even know if I heard her say those words or if I was just imagining it all before she passed out again in my arms but when Zayn looked up at me with shocked eyes, I knew I wasn't imagining.

The woman I love loves me back.

I can't even comprehend the emotions I'm going through right now.

I feel as if I should be in complete euphoria right now, like my heart should be bursting out of my chest but as I sit in the waiting room of the hospital, my hands shaking and my cheeks soaked with my own tears, the only thing I can think about is whether the reason for my existence is alive or not.

She's somewhere in this stupid hospital having her insides torn apart by some doctor who better know what the fuck he's doing.

I can't believe she's in this position again. In the hospital after getting shot. Having to go through this pain all over again.

I swear, I will kill every single man involved with Mortem just for even putting her through this. I will use all the power I have to take them down. I don't care if I get sent to prison or if I even get murdered, I will do it.

If anything happens to my Esme, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I don't know how I'd even manage to wake up or eat. I'd go mental without her.

Just not having her by my side for two years had me feeling lost. I managed day by day but it was the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. I felt like a zombie walking through those two years and all of my members were scared to even look at me.

The only thing that got me through that was the fact that she was alive but if she was...dead, I wouldn't be able to take it.

I'd pull through though, only for a little bit.

I'd pull through the agonizing pain enough to use both Inprobus and Renascent to take down Mortem. Then I'd hand over Inprobus to Louis, giving him all of my power all while Zayn would be running Renascent. The new leaders would flourish together.

As for me, I'd plan my end.

As sad and depressing as it sounds, I simply can't live in a world where the reason for my existence doesn't exist.

I'd plan to make it quick and painless.

All I want is to be with her and now that she's told me she loves me, I want all of her. I need all of her.

I need her comforting embrace when I've had a hard day.

I need her kisses on my dimples.

I need her smile to light up my life.

I need her fingers running through my hair.

I need her soothing voice humming me to sleep.

I need her body wrapped around mine.

I need her...

I need our future.

I never thought I'd hear Esme say she wanted children or even marriage. Especially with...me?

I've never considered the family life to be completely honest. I've always thought that what I was doing now would be what I'd do until I'd die. I didn't even think I'd live as long as I have.

I never even imagined that I'd find Esme.

But the fact that Esme said that she had dreams about our future children and us being married, I can already picture it.