My Idol. (NAMKOOK)

Reaction.

Namjoon's Pov

A few hours before...

   "The dalhangari was invented and used in 1392-1910 during the Joseon dynasty era. It's sheer size made it difficult to make on a potter's wheel so it was by creating two halves and molding them together. The glaze…" I jumped at the sound of a nearby tour guide explaining moon jars to aspiring art students and checked my surroundings to see if I had been spotted daydreaming on a lone bench at Seoul's National Museum and found nothing out of the ordinary.

I exhaled a heavy breath and adjusted my mask and thick scarf, tucking Jackson's housewarming gift closer to my side and continued to study the slow moving crowd as they wandered around the quiet exhibition and thought about my strained relationship with Jungkook.

When I woke up this morning, I woke to an empty bed and felt a hollow ache blooming in my chest at the disappointing discovery of Jungkook's side of the bed still left untouched. If I had known this would be the outcome of our relationship, I might've tried dating him to prevent this lonely and desolate state I've been in without him.

It was like we became best friends ever since we were forced to share a room together and now that happiness had been taken away from me. It was as heartbreaking as it was confusing because there had been moments where I had found him more than attractive back then but refused to acknowledge it in the heat of the moment. I didn't want to admit that there was a time where I found myself reminiscing about the accident in the shower and gotten hard from it but figured it was a case of severe sexual frustration instead of romantic attraction.

It was a logical assumption because it was true that I hadn't taken any partners for the past six months and that this could easily be a simple reaction to Jungkook in the heat of the moment. I wasn't sure if my feelings for Jungkook ran deeper than carnal desire and couldn't risk accepting something as pure as his love for a weak moment's desire and end up breaking his heart down the road.

Plus, I had my own reservations about dating him as well. One, I believed I was straight this entire time. It was true that I noticed that some men were more gorgeous or sensuous at times but I never felt something or reacted to them in that type of way. I just called it how I saw it. Like I was nonchalantly stating the obvious. Nothing more, nothing less. Then all of a sudden, after that incident in the shower with Kookie, something has changed within me.

I was open to cuddling him whenever the opportunity presented itself and had to check myself constantly when the urge to hug him grew too great to hold in. We had become so familiar with each other's bodies that constant touching didn't seem all that weird to us -Well to me at least in the beginning- and it had made our bond stronger than ever.

There were days where I started looking forward to being alone with him in bed after a stressful or rather fun day at work but could I really call that being in love or is it just desperation? I wasn't so sure.

My second cause of reservation was our role dynamics. Putting aside the power imbalance that is a valid point within itself, a relationship with Kookie while being his leader can potentially cause inner turmoil within our group dynamics as well.

Within our stage dynamic, we had a contingency plan in place to balance out the overly familiar touches of the members that were not straight and strategically placed Jungkook and I between them to disrupt the overall display of affection between lovers. It was a solid plan since I believed Jungkook and I wouldn't be distracted because we were the only straight men on board and would basically adopt the role of monitoring the member's fan service and public display of affection.

When the fans became too interested in a particular ship, Jungkook and I sort of jumped in different ways. Either through a pranking method to break it up or steal the show by putting on a bigger display of fan service. I jumped in when it involved Taehyung and Jin being too obvious with their lingering looks and bold touches, while Jungkook put a stop to Jimin and Jhope undressing each other with their eyes. I would even go as far as saying Jungkook intervened the most in these moments and inadvertently caused his own shipping fandom to reach new heights much to his, Tae's, and Jimin's displeasure. I, on the other hand, took on the third wheeler role or the serious leader that scared the members into behaving properly and kept the group from making the news in a scandalous way.