My Idol. (NAMKOOK)

Before The Party.

Jungkook Pov

Silence radiated from one end of the house to the other as I stood outside my bedroom door fuming and trembling from a concoction of volatile emotions within me. I attempted to regulate my harsh breathing but my mind kept going over the last few moments with Namjoon; circling back to his anger and sharp words and it pissed me off even more.

"Fucking bullshit." I mumbled to myself as I set off down the hall, my destination being the hyungs that convinced me this was a good idea in the first place. In a way, this was all their fault. They put the thought in my head that Namjoon and I could become something more if I had seduced him and against my better judgement, I believed them.

"Why did I believe them?" I whispered, my steps slowing as I grew lost in my head. Maybe it was the look in his eyes whenever I caught him staring at me. Maybe it was the gentle and soft voice he used just for me when we'd whisper to each other under the blankets at night as if someone would hear us. Or maybe the lingering touches, heavy sighs and bated breaths when we realize just how close we got to one another without noticing the world around us.

Or maybe... I just imagined all of that.

I told Namjoon that I was done; that I was finished and I meant it. I might be madly in love with him but I can't pine after him forever. He wholeheartedly rejected me.... and it's time I accepted it.

But I was still hurt by it.

"Love is nothing but an illusion." I sniffed as my cold feet carried me to the outside of Jin's bedroom door. It was silent on the inside- which was never a good sign on a good day- and knew they had heard everything between Namjoon and I much to my chagrin.

I took a deep breath and turned the knob, pushing the door open to reveal the rest of the members already staring back at me. Taehyung sat in Seokjin's lap at the shared vanity as his lover shot pointed glares at Yoongi's tired form in his bed while Jimin and Hoseok were entangled in a cuddle session in the dancer's bed. I blushed as I hung my head down and stepped into the shared space, closing the door behind me and avoided their concerned eyes just for a little bit longer. Hoseok was the first to act, breaking the awkward silence as he sat up and pulled further away from Jimin, looking at my despondent demeanor and tried to comfort me.

"I'm so sorry, Kook-ah. That sounded pretty bad." He winced, face pinched in discomfort as he looked at me. I nodded in acknowledgement as I leaned against the door and exhaled, letting the disappointment I held close to my chest out and tried to gather my scattered thoughts.

"Don't be, Hyung." I sighed upward at the ceiling, shaking my head. "It's not anyone's fault but my own. I can no longer care about what he has to say if it's not about the group or about work." I sniffed haughtily, trying to appear unbothered but it sounded more petulant than anything else.

"Namjoonie... is he.. um," Taehyung began, his voice light with nerves as he fidgeted restlessly in Seokjin's lap. "Is he still back there?" Taehyung gestured towards the door with a tilt of his chin.

"Uh, yeah. He's... still in my room." I sighed, scrubbing my face with a hand. Taehyung nodded his head and then shared a loaded look with Hoseok before easing off Seokjin's lap, whispering something into his lover's ear while Hoseok did the same by climbing out of his bed but stopping halfway to kiss Jimin on the forehead before getting to his feet. They were clearly in the process of saying goodbye to their partners before heading towards me with an almost guilty smile on their face when they stopped in front of me.

"We are just going to.. um, check on him as well?" It was posed more as a question than a statement but I offered the pair a smile of my own as I stepped aside and waved them on.