lovesick || r. lupin

³⁹advice and apologies

Remus popped open his firewhiskey bottle and inhaled the fiery sizzle that erupted from it. He didn't know what he was doing out by the lake at midnight but his mind was reeling and his bones were achy because of the full moon and honestly, all he wanted right now was to numb his racing thoughts. He tossed the bottle cap onto the lake, hearing a scattering sounds of aluminum and ice scraping against each other.

He traced the rim of the bottle with his middle finger, a weak attempt at putting himself into a trance and before he knew it, he had raised the bottle to his lips and took a long swig. The liquid burnt going down but it warmed his body from the freezing temperature outside.

Remus wasn't much of a drinker but he indulged himself sometimes. Tonight was one of those nights.

He drank and drank till there was only a few drops of liquid at the bottom of the glass. His mind felt fuzzy and his limbs buzzed and all he could think about was how much his throat burned from the drink. Remus leaned back onto the dirt, eyes towards the heavens, and tried to count as many stars as he could. He kept on starting over once he hit the number three.

Then, a shuffle of gravel and grass scraped into his ears and his hazy gaze saw a pair of Nike flats beside his head.

"What're you doing?" said a voice. It was crisp and tense. Grace Vale lowered beside him, her legs crossed in front and pale skin almost glowing in the moonlight.

Remus wasn't in the right mind to feel embarrassed or even a little bit ashamed for the situation he was caught in. He simply replied, "Drinking."

Grace chortled and held out her hand. "Have any more?"

Remus nodded with wide eyes and sat up, grabbing his bag and pulling out the extra bottle he brought. Grace took it from his hand and stared at it with hungry eyes. 

"Why are you drinking alone? People only drink alone when they're depressed," Grace stated bluntly, snapping the top off the bottle and smelling the contents. She took a long drink and set it down between them.

Remus only shrugged in response. He tried to push away the thoughts of what he had done to James, what he was doing to Ayla. He shrugged once more. 

"You're weird," laughed Grace and she picked at the dirt underneath them.

A silence hung between them until Remus got the words to speak. "Why're you out?" he slurred as he pulled his knees to himself and leaned his head against them.

This made Grace stiffen, the words seeming to cut hard in her ears. "Dunno."

Remus knew that wasn't true but his head hurt too much to push.

They sat for a few moments, passing the bottle between them, Grace more heavily relying on it. Remus didn't know what he was doing. He felt ill, not only from the alcohol, but everything. 

"I got in a fight with James," Remus admitted, pulling at the sticker label on the bottle. 

Grace paused and looked at him. Then, "'Bout what?"

Remus didn't want to say it. His tongue felt dried and like sandpaper. "Ayla," he finally said.

Grace didn't reply.

"Am I a bad person?" Remus breathed as he hunched forward even more and bit at his thumb nail. His fingers were red and sore and a knot began to form in his throat.

Grace stayed quiet. "Not inherently."

Remus looked up, "What do you mean by that?"

"I think you're just being stupid right now."