lovesick || r. lupin

¹³quidditch debates

It was nice, if Remus had to be completely honest. He sat in the middle of the meadow, running his scarred fingers over fabric-like flowers, all colored in blues, pinks, and whites, taking in the smell of them. The sky was patterned with clouds, different shades of orange, blue, and purple, as Remus took everything in.

He hadn't felt this calm in a long time.

Remus plucked a flower from the grass, twirling it around and admiring its soft petals. He wished he were a flower. They're so beautiful. They didn't have ugly scars and bitten nails and eye bags as large as a giant like he did. Everyone loved flowers. He wished everyone could love him.

But all of a sudden, an agonizing scream was heard and Remus was falling, falling, falling, and his body jolted, waking with a start.

He searched the room, looking for the source of the bloodcurdling cry, then grabbed his wand, "Lumos." All four of the Maruaders were sitting up in their beds, looking rather groggy.

Except one.

Sirius was panting, covered in sweat, body racking with a sob. His legs were scrunched up to his chest, arms clutching around himself, and his face in between his knees as if he was just wreathing in pain.

James was suddenly at Sirius' side, laying his hand on the boy's bare back (Sirius had slept in only his underwear since their first day at Hogwarts). "It's okay mate, it's just a bad dream," he assured lightly, his dark bushy brows knit tightly together, his hazel eyes more awake now.

Sirius shook his head, jabbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, trying to scrub away the tears. He had always had strong emotions but he hated crying in front of others. "I hate them," his voice cracked.

The three boys all knew who Sirius was talking about. His parents.

"I know..." James said miserably. "Hey, it's fine, just breathe."

Sirius waved his hand at the group, "I'm- I'm sorry, mates. I shouldn't be having these stupid dreams. I shouldn't be bawling about them like some ninny. I'm not even their son anymore."

"Don't apologize," Remus tutted. He hated when this happened, he hated that his friends parents were so foul, he hated that Sirius had to wake up, sobbing in the middle of the night. It was always eerie seeing him cry like this.

Sirius sniffled again, trying to regain his composure, running his finger through his long dark hair. They got caught in the tangles because of the sweat.

James pushed the pale boy lightly, "Scoot over, man."

Sirius scooted over, leaving extra room on the twin sized bed, and James crawled into the sheets, getting himself comfortable, then grabbing Sirius by the chest and helping him lay back down.

That led to Peter laying back down himself, pulling his duvet up to his chin.

Remus still sat up, pondering on how unfair it all was. Someone in the dorm always had a bad dream at least once a week; whether it was Sirius having one of his parents torturing him, Remus getting flashes of himself ripping his friends to shreds, Peter picturing dementors sucking out his soul, or James seeing his parent and friends get murdered in front of his very eyes. Sirius' and Remus's were the most frequent out of the four and definitely the worst, nearly all of Sirius' nightmares throwing him into a sobbing fit and Remus's making him sit on the bathroom floor for hours, trying not to retch.

"Moony, you should lie back down and get some sleep," Peter mumbled tiredly, rubbing his eyes.

"Right. Sorry."

Remus mumbled "Nox," and leaned back into his comforter, but still felt his head buzzing and his stomach twist. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, he heard James' unexplainable sleep talking and Peter's deep snores, making it even more difficult to fall back into his peaceful dream.