Eternally Yours

Chapter 57

Kai and I had spent the day going over our latest music. I sat in the overstuffed chair strumming my acoustic guitar. Kai on the floor, singing along to the strum of the strings. It brought back memories of the days when Kate would sit beside me or at my feet. I tried to smile through the pain so the hurt wouldn't show, but I am sure Kai could tell otherwise. I have always been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve. And even now thoughts of my Kitty Kate floods my brain. Yeah, I should have spent my time better, like reaching out to my lawyer and getting the papers drawn up for the divorce...again. But I didn't. I guess I'm a coward. I'm not one for confrontation. And I'm not fully ready to face Mari not after knowing she approached Kate and threatened her. I don't know what I'm waiting on, and Kate made not around on me forever. Aw, Kitty Kate. Just seeing her perform last night gives me all the reasons why I'm here, why I'm doing what I do, and why I love her so much. It was then I heard the sound of Tae's truck pulling into the driveway. He'd made it back, but where had he been? Junnie and Soobin were still out. Kai looked at me when my fingers stopped strumming, "Gyu, you've lost me. You're thinking of Kate?" I brush my long bangs out of my eyes with a brush of my fingertips, "I am. Just wondering if I did the right thing. Leaving her the way I did. Blocking her out of my life until I get my shit straightened out." Kai pressed his lips together. He seemed a bit surprised by my words. Then I remembered I hadn't told him anything. All this was news to him. Shit! He raised an eyebrow, "You blocked her out? Damn, Gyu. Does she even know this? What the hell for?" I really didn't want to rehash it with him. I grimaced, "No. I don't have the heart to tell her right now. If you were in my shoes, Kai, you'd understand." But Kai didn't understand. He's my best friend and I managed to leave him in the dark. Kai denied, pulling the hood of his hoodie over his head, "Dude, if I were in your shoes, I don't care how bad the situation is, I'd never left Kit Kate. That woman loves the hell out of you."

The door to the house opened. Before I had a chance to respond to Kai, I saw Tae from the corner of my eye. One look told me all I needed to know. What had he gone and done? Kai's focus looked to the opened doorway, "Tae, you're back. That must've been some workout. We thought you went to the gym." Tae raked a hand through his hair with a smirk on his face, "Not today." He thought to himself...'but I did have quite a joyride with strawberry shortcake.' He didn't want to give her away yet even though Kate was standing in the shadows, hidden behind a wall. Suddenly sniffed the air, "Tae, I smell cookies. Did you go by a bakery?" Tae shook his head, "No." Kai licked his lips, "Then it's gotta be cake. Vanilla cake. Gyu, you smell it, right?" I cringed in my seat. Kate. Damn it! I did smell it. Her scent filled the air. It's a scent I've grown quite fond of, love every edible bit of it. But today I just wasn't ready to face that I turned my back on her. I groaned, "Tae, please tell me you did not go get Kate. I can't face her right now." I felt the tears prick the corners of my eyes, "I just can't.." From out of the shadows she moved into my line of vision. She said my nickname softly. Dear god she's beautiful...even after that long drive. And my heart plummeted. I cocked my head, and I could see the look of disappointment written in her face, in her eyes. She had heard me say that I couldn't face her. I know that had to hurt, but she had to understand. I'm going through too much to get her involved. Sad thing is she's more involved than I ever wanted her to be.
Tae cleared his throat, laying a hand on the lower part of her back, "Gyu, I believe the two of you need to resolve this." Her name fell from my lips. She's here. Right in front of me. My precious Kitty Kate. I stared blankly at her, "Kate, I'm sorry. Sorry for everything but I can't...you can't be here right now." Kai gasped in shock throwing his fingers to his mouth. He'd never seen his best friend deny the love of his life. What the hell was going on! Tae stepped forward, keeping a hand on Kate, "You listen here, Gyu. I did not drive all that way for you to be an ass and leave her stranded. The two of you have things you need to work out." I snapped, "I didn't ask for you to!" Tae's grip on Kate's waist tightened, "Dude, that's besides the point! She can help you. Let her, Gyu. Let her help you. If she walks away now, this may be the end of the two of you. Is that what you want?" I looked away. It wasn't what I wanted at all. I needed Kate. I just didn't know how to go about keeping her while I was battling with Mari. I didn't want Kate to get hurt, and here I am hurting her. Kate turned her attention on Tae, "I knew this was a bad idea. I knew in my heart he didn't want to see me. I'm ok with that. I've excepted it." That wasn't true. I always wanted to see her. I'm not ok with it. I love her so much. I haven't excepted the fact that I haven't been honest with her. I had to come clean. I had to tell her everything. Seeing her right now is breaking me in half. There's so much she doesn't know. Will she still love me after all this? She told me she'd be there and for me to do what I have to, but here she is. Walking away hurt like hell, but so did seeing her in Junnie's arms. It was just too much all of a sudden. I never dreamed my past would slap me in my fast. Mari was the one thing I secretly fought all these years. Trying to get my life back that she took from me. Tae says Kate could help, but I don't see how. Kate's my diversion from all the mess. I left her behind so I could face my fears, my worst nightmare head on. I set my guitar aside and rose to my feet, "Kate, we need to talk, and I guess now is a good a time as any." I may not be ready, but here I go." Tae lifted his head, summoning Kai to leave us alone. I waited a few minutes trying to find the right words to say. I kept my chin tucked to my chest, my eyes on the floor. I felt so ashamed for everything. Almost like she didn't know the person she's been in love with all these years. Kate stepped up to me, and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and I clung to her helplessly. Once again, I fell apart. She held my head and let me weep, "It's ok, Cookie. Let it out. My sweet Cookie. I'm here. I understand. I know." I pulled her in closer. This girl is my entire world, my life. How could she possibly understand when I barely understood any of this myself. I rested my forehead to hers, "Kate, I really hate myself right now. There's things about me I'm not proud of. Things I need to straighten out." Her green orbs stared deep into my soul. She laid a hand on my left cheek, "Then let me by your shoulder to lean on. Let me be your strength to get through this. Don't shut me out. Please, Cookie. I'll hold your hand. I'll walk this dark path with you. You don't have to go it alone." I blinked and a tear slid down my face. Even now she's still willing to be with me. Kate's always been my rock. The beat of my heart. The very air I breathe. I stepped out of her embrace and rubbed my left index finger under my chin. I shook my head, feeling my heart chip just a little bit more. I had a sharp intake of breath, "Kitty Kate, you know I love you. And I appreciate all you've ever done for me, but this is something I have to do alone. Mari's already pulled you in, and I don't need you involved with my past mistake." I watched as Kate fell back a step. I was pushing her away again. I saw the tears rise up in her eyes, "Involved with your past? Cookie, I already know everything. Mari showed up at the house after you left yesterday. She told me everything. I know about the baby." I grimaced, wanting to curse that woman. Kate reached for me, "Cookie, please let me in. Is it true? Was I not your first?" I closed my eyes and turned my back on her, "Kate, it's too much." She came up behind me, laying her forehead against my back, pleading as I felt the tips of her fingers on the sides of my chest, "Cookie, it's eating you alive. I feel what you feel. Talk to me. You may not want me involved but I am simply because I'm so in love with you. You need me, Cookie." It was true. I needed her more than I even knew. I'm too terrified to tell her. She knows about the baby, but will she honestly believe me if I tell her it's not mine. That I was framed. And exactly who Mari is to me? That my marriage was never arranged. I thrived for her touch, and reached for her, pulling her arms around me, "Oh, Kitty Kate. I'm so afraid of losing you." I felt her shake her head against my back. She was biting that lower lip of hers, "No, Cookie. Im not going anywhere. Wherever you are is where I want to be." I turned and guided her back to the sofa, "Sit. Kate, it's time I tell you exactly who Mari is." The words surprised me that came out of her mouth. She stated, "Cookie, I already know. That's why I want to help. You need my help." The weight lifted from my chest a little. She knew. She knew Mari was a sasaeng. Not just any sasaeng, but my sasaeng. Not just a neighbor, but someone who took an interests in me because I wasn't interested in her. Then I proceeded to tell her all about how she used me and forced my hand in marriage because someone else knocked her up. How she claimed the baby was mine. How my parents didn't believe my words against hers. And how she showed up at our house one day with a positive test. Kate only nodded and reached for my hand, "Cookie, it's ok. I believe you. We'll get this straightened out. You'll get the test done. We'll prove everyone you're not the father. I'm sorry you've had to carry this horrible burden with you. I'm here, and she won't get away with this. You'll get that divorce, and free yourself from this once and for all." Hold up. Why was Kate being so calm? Who had she'd been talking to? Then I remembered Junnie's picture last night...the one of Mari and her mystery man. Even he took that from me. That was my place to tell Kate. I touched my index to my bottom lip, getting lost in my own thoughts. I felt Kate's touch on my cheek, "Cookie, nothing you confess could make me love you less. I'll stand by you and I won't let nobody hurt you. If you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside. I get angry too. I'm a lot like you." Yes, I knew that was true. Kitty Kate and I are two of a kind. But that's just it...I'm still mad over Junnie's addiction with her. And deep inside, it feels like she's craves him just a little bit still. I told her that, and removed her hand from my face. I told her that everything I'm going through not only stems from Mari, but her and Junnie as well. I know she loves me, and the thought of her loving anyone else kills me inside.