Mitchell's Power Play

Ethan's 1st Birthday

SAMMY

Maria moved in with us shortly after the new year. She spent the holidays with Marshall, Sandy and Neil, while Mitch and I had a quiet Christmas Eve alone at home in New York, and spent a loud and wonderful Christmas Day with Nash and Kennedy, surrounded by their parents and siblings.

Ethan was at that wonderful age where he full on belly laughed and crawled everywhere. He was pulling himself up to a standing position, but hadn't yet attempted to walk. Not that he needed to, he was a very fast crawler. Nash didn't love that part. He was constantly following Ethan around the apartment to make sure he didn't get into something he shouldn't. Most of it had already been baby proofed, but I got it. I could totally picture Mitch being the same way, when, or if, we had a child of our own.

We were going to celebrate Ethan's first birthday. It wasn't his actual birthday because it fell on one day where the Empires were traveling, so we were a week behind, but that was okay. Maria was already over at Nash and Kennedy's. She was helping them with Ethan as they got everything ready for the party.

Mitch had just gotten back from seeing the physical therapist for his shoulder, and I had finished decorating a batch of cupcakes. I was going to shower to get ready for the party and reached for a razor underneath the sink when I spotted an unopened package of pregnancy tests.

I froze and just stared at the package.

I hated those little fuckers.

I had taken so many pregnancy tests over the last few months and been disappointed, over and over again. And it wasn't for a lack of trying that we weren't pregnant. Mitch did his best, despite having his sister at the other end of the apartment. We were more quiet, of course, and our attempts usually took place at night, when she was in her own room, hopefully sleeping.

But now, my period was due, again, any day.

I reached for the test, but hesitated and left it where it was. I started the shower instead and undressed. While gnawing on my bottom lip, I opened the cabinet again and stared at the test. It was wrapped in a white plastic cover. The test itself wasn't scary looking at all, but what it represented was absolutely terrifying.

Should I?

I hesitated because I didn't want to be upset at Ethan's party. By not knowing, there was at least hope. But if it was another negative test...

I closed the cabinet door again, a bit harder than before, and stepped in to the shower. The warm water streamed down over my head and shoulders, but did nothing to relax me. No matter how hard I tried to think about anything else but that little white test with the clear little window, my thoughts kept going back to what if?

What if this time was different?

But then, why would it be? We had tried for six months with no results.

I turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around my body, and as I did, I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and I couldn't help but wonder what I would look like pregnant.

If it was to ever happen...

Would I have a big beach ball kind of belly like a Kennedy did? Or would I be one of those women who gained weight all over?

At this point, I didn't care. I just wanted to be pregnant.

I wrapped another towel around my hair and reached for my underwear, but stopped again with them halfway up my legs.

Fuck it.

I opened the cabinet door again, and before I got a chance to change my mind, I grabbed the stick, pulled the plastic wrapper off, and sat down on the toilet.