Been lovin' you for quite some time | Winrina

13

Later, so much later, when they are sure to have been missed but Karina can't bring herself to care, she lounges with Winter's head against her shoulder, tracing the lines of her ribs. Her fingers pace up and down, counting them in the comfortable silence that stretches between them and Karina is content to bathe in the hormones slipping through her bloodstream and the lingering alcohol that accompanies them. Winter's hair is pressed against her jaw and she can smell the soft, comforting scent of her shampoo, and with the warmth of the girl at her side she is close to sleep, despite the chill of her exposed, sweat slicked skin.

"Hey," Winter breaks the silence, not tearing her eyes up from where her fingers continue idly tracking Karina's upper body, "did you remember to buy your uncle a birthday card?"

"Fuck," she frowns, tightening her grip a little on the girl, "no. "

Winter clicks her tongue disapprovingly and twists to look at her a little more easily, smiling wryly, "dumbass, his birthday is in two days. Luckily for you, I knew you would forget so there's one in my room, just in case."

"Really?" Her eyes spark with relief and she crushes Winter closer against her body, pressing a grateful, euphoric kiss to her lips, "you're perfect."

"I know," Winter laughs against her lips, swinging herself up until she's straddling Karina's body and the brunette's hands come to rest at her hips, Winter's hair creating a curtain to protect them from the rest of the world. She ducks her head, lips darting from Karina's nose to the corner of her mouth as she murmurs, "you're lucky to have me, really."

"I am." She answers without thinking, her voice and eyes soft as she stares up at the girl hovering over her and she sees Winter swallow just a little.

"You're not meant to admit it," she teases softly, the pad of her fingers tracing the curve of Karina's jaw delicately and Karina reaches up to push her hair over her ear and admire the elegant cursive lines of Winter's body as she gathers her courage.

"What if I... wanted to?"

"What are you talking about?" Winter shifts up a little bit, one hand going to touch lightly at Karina's shoulder to balance and her brows are creased, forehead furrowed in confusion.

Karina swallows, eyes darting from one corner of the room to the next, unable to settle of the beautiful woman in front of her as she says, voice cracking just slightly. "I like you. As... more than just a... fuck buddy." The words feel uncomfortable on her tongue and she hesitates, rolling them around her mouth before hurrying blindly onwards. "I like hanging out with you, I like laughing with you. And I want to be able to hold your hand and take you out for coffee and kiss you on your doorstep."

Winter is frozen above her, wide eyed and startled and when she speaks it is with a forced, stilted amusement, "I didn't know you were into voyeurism, Karina."

The joke falls flat and dead between them and Karina turns away, swallowing rapidly against the growing panic in her throat and shifting her hips until Winter is forced to slide off and away from her.

"You know what I mean." The words are a whisper, tentative and heartbroken.

"Karina... Rina, please look at me." The hand on her chin tilts her face, encourages her to turn and meet dark brown eyes torn with uncertainty and she can't help but rush on, justify herself.

"I've done this closeted thing before Winter and I can't go back there. Just ask Jisoo, I was a mess, I almost dropped out of school- fell in with the wrong people- smoked so much weed I was barely coherent and I can't-"

"Karina." Winter's voice is sharp and quick, cutting her off before she can ramble herself into a panic attack. "Calm down, listen to me. Focus on my voice." She just manages to nod, catching her unsaid words with her tongue and keeping them close to her heart. "I'm out. That's not the problem."

"Then what... What is ?" Karina swallows, she can feel her heart pumping in her chest and her skin feels hot and tingling.

Winter eyes her for a moment, her mouth set in a thin, uncertain line until she finally says, her voice low. "My dad died less than a year ago."

The words fall heavily between them, a sudden silence settling and Karina blinks and struggles for words. Winter's eyes are fixed on a spot somewhere just past her head and Karina can see her grinding her jaw.

"I don't... when we first got together I wanted to feel better. I was spiralling a bit." Winter falls back against the bed, lies flat on her back and stares at the ceiling and Karina shifts to look at her. She feels as if the gap between them stretches wide, pushing them away from each other. "It was hard, my mom seemed so determined to just carry on as normal."

"You... you never mentioned it," Karina curses the words the moment she says them, rushes to correct herself. "I just mean... I never would have pushed this."

"I didn't want to think about it." Winter rolls the corner of the comforter between her fingers. "At first this was definitely just a distraction but... I'm dealing with it. Slowly." Her eyes flicker up to meet Karina's, cheeks heating, "and this is more to me now that just some coping mechanism."

"I'm sorry," Karina shakes her head, can't help but reach over and touch at Winter's shoulder gently. "Really, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No," Winter leans into her touch, gives her a wry smile. "I think you deserve to know. My mom is still hurting over him being gone and I... I feel like coming home with a new relationship would just be rubbing it in her face. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Karina's thumb circles over her bare skin and she hesitates over her words, "so... you do like me?

"Oh Karina," Winter tumbles forwards, pressing a half giggling kiss to her lips, "of course I do, you idiot." She brushes Karina's hair back, cradles her cheek. "But you don't have to wait for me. I don't expect you to... you know... stop seeing other people or whatever. You deserve more than this mess."

"You're not a mess," Karina's hands circle her waist, draw her back on top of her. "And for now you're all I want." Their lips meet again and Karina can feel Winter smiling.