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"Lie down." Billie told me, "I don't want anyone seeing you, if you'd like you can take a nap. It'll be a 20 minute drive." She suggested.
I nodded and moved so I could lay down comfortably and slipped my headphones over my ears. It was cold but I didn't complain, she was already doing so much. Right as we pulled out of the gated area the car was rushed with the people who were waiting in line all day.
I played my music so that it would drown out the screams from outside. Billie had rolled her window down and was waving at everyone while ushering them out of the way. I turned my volume up until I couldn't anymore; loudly listening to Still Clean by Soccer Mommy. As the screams and my music got louder, I slipped back out of headspace.
It had only just hit that I was leaving with Billie. Had Alex even looked for me? Or did she just go home and assume that I would return sooner or later? Even though she's always so unfair, and at times cruel... I missed her, and it hurt that she didn't seem to care if I was safe or not.
The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I got. I wanted to get up, I wanted to run, I wanted to scream; but, I felt so weak. I couldn't even imagine sitting up without vomiting until I was nothing but skin and bones. I wanted to be nothing but skin and bones. I wanted to be nothing; I wanted to disappear.
Silent tears streamed down my face, although due to my position, they ran from my left eye, over my nose, and to my right. I used my glove to wipe them away, realizing that I had never gotten my other glove back from Billie. Billie... I could see her glancing at me every minute through the rear view mirror out of my peripheral vision. I didn't dare meet her gaze.
I felt so embarrassed. She had only just met me two days ago and now she has to take me back to her hotel because Alex left. She's already had to take care of me so much. She went from helping me off the floor when we first met to carrying me out to her car to take back with her. Oh god, I made her carry me when I slipped.
I slipped.
Could this get any worse? What if she noticed? She probably didn't, she probably doesn't even know what a little is. She couldn't. What if Alex told her? No, Alex goes quite far but she would never tell anyone that part of me without my permission. Plus, she's embarrassed herself to admit it to others.
I took a deep breath, trying to clear my anxiety when the car finally came to a complete stop. I turned off my music and managed to sit up without vomiting like I had thought.
"Doing okay?" Billie asked, giving me a sympathetic look.
I simply nodded and looked away from her, taking my eyes from her gorgeous frame and looking through the window on my right.
"Okay, we'll have to wait a second for Sully to get down here. He's my main body guard, I trust him completely." She said, I nodded again and she seemed to be disappointed.
