Heart Of Gold

The Secret

"He did what?"

Gail paused, cautiously digesting how to react to what Rose had just told her. Rose raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"I know, right," she said, shaking her head. "I couldn't believe it when he showed it to me. Just busted it out over breakfast, too."

"But we knew he was going to night school," Gail said carefully. "You can't have been all that surprised when he got the certificate."

"No, but when he started talking about how it would let him be a manager at his boss's office or one of the other places in town, it hit me - he wants to stay here, Gail." Rose let out a heavy breath. "As in, put down roots, make a life, build a future - all that stuff that I'm supposed to want but can't. At least, not here."

Her friend frowned. "Well, have you told him that?"

"He knows I don't want to stay here," Rose explained. "I've made that clear, right from the start. And now with Mike gone ..."

"I know," Gail said, hugging Rose. "But I think you need to tell Jake how you feel about all this."

"I don't think he'd get it though. To him, Summerland is this charming little town - he likes that it's small, that everyone knows everyone." She shook her head. "And why wouldn't he? Toronto was nothing like that and I get that he wants somewhere that he can feel like a part of the community. But maybe we just want different things."

"I don't think that's true," Gail said. "Even if it was, I think you could find a way to work it out."

"And what if we can't?"

"You shouldn't be focusing on that," Gail chided. "Honestly Rose - you've been together for a long time now. Talk to him. Be honest. Besides, it's almost Christmas. Stop worrying."

"What if he doesn't get it though?" Rose asked. "What if he doesn't care?"

"Rose, come on. This is Jake we're talking about. When has he ever not cared what you're thinking? That boy adores you."

Rose picked at the skin around her fingernails, a new habit she had developed after Mike died.

"Gail, he's been here less than a year. Do you really think he's going to want to think about moving again?"

Gail raised an eyebrow, putting her hand on Rose's. "I think he wants to be with you," she said softly, "wherever that is." She bit her lip. "Have you told him about your job offer?"

Sighing, Rose tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "No. I haven't even decided what to do about it yet."

She'd only been doing on-air work for a few months at the radio station in town but already a station owned by the same company on Vancouver Island was asking her to come out and take over hosting the night shift in Port Alberni.

It was a huge opportunity – she wasn't sure how many other stations would take on someone without a degree or diploma in journalism these days. Life on the Island seemed peaceful, with the surfing and misty ancient rainforests and thunderous winter storms.

But she wasn't sure what to do about Jake.

What if he doesn't want to leave?

How could someone want to be with another so much that they would uproot their lives? Sara had done that with every one of her past boyfriends and look how well it had turned out for them. She didn't want to be the person someone resented if they weren't happy with the life they uprooted themselves for.

And even if Jake was willing to move with her, did she really want that? Someone who would give up their dreams and goals for hers? Surely that would only cause trouble down the road.

A memory floated to the surface of her mind - Mike was ten years old and they had taken him to the hospital after he climbed on top of a school portable on a dare and fell off. The doctor took one look at his grainy, black-and-white x-ray and declared the injury a 'clean break.'

The wrist fracture didn't extend to the surrounding tissue. Despite the trauma of the initial fall, the injury was uncomplicated and would heal quickly.

The doctor had assured them that Mike would be back to climbing buildings and terrorizing the neighbourhood in six to eight weeks. And sure enough, he was right.

Could the same idea apply with Jake? If she left now, before things got any more serious, would he move on faster than if she were to let things drag out and get even more complicated?

A clean break: no complications, no other tangled, twisted paths to try exploring.

No going back.

Rose turned to Gail, pausing a moment before she said what she had been afraid to since getting the job offer. "I think I have to take it."

"I know you do," Gail smiled sadly. "You need this."

"If I don't take a risk, my life's going to end up just like my mother's." The words scared Rose even as they left her lips. "I can't just sit here and let things happen, with no control, no challenges, no fear of the unknown."

"Aren't you scared?" Gail asked sadly. "You're not just leaving Jake behind. What about me? What about Will and Danny and all our friends?"

"I'll see them again," Rose insisted. "I'll see you again. This won't be the end." She smiled, looking at Gail. "Do you remember Mrs. Guerrin?" she asked.

"Of course," Gail laughed. "Our old English teacher?"

"Yeah. She said something once that I never really understood, but now I think I do." Rose paused.

"'Do what scares you,' she told us. Well, this scares me. A lot. I don't want to leave Jake, or you, or anyone else. But I don't want to look at my life in ten years and regret all the things I didn't do. So if I need to be scared for a while, so that I don't regret getting stuck here, maybe that's how things have to be."

Gail smiled, taking her hand. "I like that."

"Tell you what," Rose said, raising an eyebrow. "Why don't you come with me?"

"Oh, I don't know Rose - "

"Come on, you're not doing anything here. Come for a week, just to help me get settled. If you like it, you can always stay longer."

"Well, maybe just for a week," Gail gave in, laughing. "How are you going to tell Jake?"

"I'm not sure yet - tomorrow, maybe." Rose picked at her nails. "There's that Christmas party – I can tell him there, before I have time to chicken out."

"If you think you might change your mind, maybe you should give it some more time."

"No. I need to do this now," Rose insisted. "I don't want to wait any longer."

"Alright then. I still think this is crazy, you know."

"Maybe crazy isn't a bad thing, though. Maybe crazy is what makes life fun," Rose mused.

"Whatever you say," Gail laughed. "I still think you're nuts!"