No Time To...

Sleepless

Katara didn't sleep that night when they camped, Suki and Sokka slept together on appas tail as everyone else slept in their sleeping bags on the ground. Except Katara. She couldn't sleep.

She looked at Zuko sadly as he had his back to the group while he slept. She felt bad for tearing him from the boys, he was overwhelmed and anxious without them in sight.

She touched her stomach at the memory of carrying the baby's at one time. The stretch marks that stayed on her body and the scars that lingered. Carrying those children were the scariest months of her life, being responsible for life inside You... and losing her baby girl broke her after almost losing her own life.

Katara still felt haunted by it all. Her failure as a mother. Her failing to keep her children safe.

And failing as a partner to Zuko.

Guilt always made her sick thinking about how Zuko was left, how she left him, giving him the hope she'd return but never did.

She wondered how Zuko handled the twins, how he was at the beginning. If he dropped them, ignored them, if he wanted to leave too.

She wondered if Zuko wanted to give up.

"You think to loud," Zuko mumbled catching her by surprise.

"Did it wake you?" She joked.

Zuko sat up and looked at her tiredly.

"Didn't get to sleep in the first place," he sighed a little rubbing his face.

"Yea.. same," she looked at the little fire that Zuko made earlier.

"What's on your mind?" He raised a brow at her.

"What's not on my mind? Aang might be alive and who knows maybe even avoiding us on purpose, the fact we have to face Azula again, just to much and I don't know where life's going to take us," Katara scratched her head annoyed as she closed her eyes trying to keep her cool.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Aang is avoiding us," Zuko nodded understanding.

"He ran from the monks, he ran from us a few times," Katara looked back at him disappointed.

"He runs, he doesn't want responsibility like this, and especially to take a persons life isn't Aang," Zuko added emotionless.

"That makes him a coward," he spat.

"Hey Zuko, don't take it that far," Katara warned.

"Or what? Is Aang going to show up now because I'm talking shit? We're all allowed to be upset with that kid," Zuko glared back at her and she pursed her lips.

"He failed the whole world, more people die now than before, fire nation civilians that don't want to be part of the Phoenix king get slaughtered when they're caught by earth kingdom, more soldiers die on each side, because Aang left us again," he snarled as Toph was now awake and joined them.

"When I see the great powerful avatar I'm punching him as hard as I can because he did this to the world twice," Zuko nodded firmly.

"I'm with Zuko on this one, we could've been done with this eight years ago," Toph joined in as Katara kept her eyes down.

"But we still need Aang, even what he did was shitty," she told the two other benders as Zuko rolled his eyes.

"I know, we all taught Aang what he knows, I'm his teacher not his friend, better grab him by the scruff and make him finish what he should've finished at dozing comet," Zuko nodded firmly.

"You don't understand how scary that is for him though, to face someone like the Phoenix king and if Aang dies we're fucked again for another sixteen years," Katara sighed crossing her arms.

"We all understand, we've all faced life or death," Toph frowned a little.

"Yea, I know," she looked down. "I just wish there was a reason for it all,"

"Me too," Zuko rubbed his neck.

"We really should go to sleep, tomorrow we're traveling a lot, we need the energy," Toph told them and bended the earth into a tent around her leaving the two alone again.

"She's right," Zuko rubbed his face with a sigh.

"First night without the kids can be nerve racking," Katara nodded.

He was silent again thinking about what the boys might be doing, if they were sleeping, if they were awake too.

"Sorry I shouldn't have brought them up," she regretted it immediately.

"It's fine," he laid back down as he held the pillow under his head. Katara laid down as well. They looked at each other across the fire with sadness in both their eyes.

"Can I ask You something kat? You don't have to answer though," Zuko whispered just for her to hear.

"Sure," she nodded gently looking at him.

"Did you ever love me? The way I loved you," Zuko asked looking at her but he was already prepare for the worse.

"I know you were in love with Aang, but when it was just us... did you ever love me?" He hated that he asked but this might be the only time they'll get alone.

"I did," she looked at the fire. "I loved you Zuko, I was so excited to start a family with you too, you made me feel like the world wasn't falling apart anymore,"

"Would you have married me if we didn't lose our daughter?" He turned onto his back looking up at the sky.

"Maybe, I could see myself spending my life with you, I loved you," Katara smiled a little at the memories.

"You gave back the necklace," Zuko sounded hurt still. "You left behind the necklace I proposed with,"

"I'm sorry Zuko, I wanted you to find someone that would give you everything you deserve, I didn't want you to wait for me," she felt tears in her eyes.

"Don't worry, I didn't," he rolled over so his back was to her once again and Katara pursed her lips turning away as well.