SONDER. timothée chalamet

chapter fourteen

[ Timothée's POV
Timothée's POV]

my mother looks at me, she just stares, watching me get ready for school.

"i found out about the fight." she says,

"it was a couple weeks ago." i mumbled.

she drinks her wine, then continues to twirl the glass around. "i didn't raise a violent son." she says,

i kept my composure. "then who did you raise mom?" i asked, "all i ever grown up with was abuse."

"he hurt me too!" she screamed.

i nod, he did. i knew he did. i would've done anything to protect my mom now, but back then, i was terrified. i wouldn't dare to touch my father. it was forbidden. i was young, weak, and useless.

my eye socket fractured, being kicked around till i bled from my mouth, till my tooth came out.

i deserved it? all that?

"you wouldn't know a goddamn thing that your father did to me!" she continued. "i love you baby," she cries out. "but you are just like him!"

i was seen as a monster, all because i fought back a kid at my school.

all because i stood up for kenny.
and i didn't regret a single thing.  

tears rippled down my cheeks, i can feel my face drown with redness.
it hurts, knowing my mom said it.

"i'm not like him." i say, nodding staring at the floor, denying it all.

"all that goddamn beating, now you are just like him! look at you! you are sick baby!" she tries to cup my face, but i move my face away in fear.

she is drunk timothée, she doesn't mean it.

"you don't understand."

"i sure as hell do timothée! you were locked up at jail! almost half the town knows! they know my son is just like his daddy!" she points her finger, smacking her glass on the marble table. "you guys are nothing like me." she mumbled under her breath.

"you let dad hit me! you watched most the time! don't try to make me look crazy." i say,

"that's it!" she runs upstairs. "get the fuck out of my home!" she yells again, i was still downstairs hearing her start sounds and chaos in my room, things being thrown and zipped.

she throws a backpack down the steps. "i said leave!"

i feel suffocated with silences, i believed my mom was perfect, she was there to know my pain, considering she was there. but that was a lie.

everything is a lie.

she didn't know my pain. she knew her pain.

"fine."

this is probably the last time ill see my mom, she grabbed her red wine, with entitlement and denial,

she didn't care for me as much as i cared for her.

i wanted to hug her and kiss her forehead one last time, just to have some sort of closure, but the look on her face told me not to.