SONDER. timothée chalamet

chapter fifteen

t was late at night, i was sleeping on the ground of kenny's room, as she was asleep on her bed.

the tears stream falling sideways and onto the pillow. i kept my face still, rushed with anger.

i hated crying.
i fucking hate it.
stop crying.

footsteps travel quietly and swiftly, her white socks are now in front of my face. she goes to lay in front of me, she looks at my hair softly and back at my eyes seeing the tears. we were both laying on the ground facing each other.

i hated her seeing me like this.

"i'm okay." i say, moving my face, wiping my tears. "don't look at me, i feel stupid." i say.

she turns away, her back is facing me now. "i can't sleep either," she says, changing the subject, she knew i was extremely uncomfortable with anyone seeing me cry.

"it's kind of hard to adjust to," i say.

"is it because of me?" she asked.

"no, it's because i'm always alone at home, not used to someone being there."

"you can have the room all to yourself." she says, "i can be in august's room."

"no. i'm comfortable with you here," i say sternly, i already had my mind made when it came to kenny.

"you mean it?" she says.

"i mean all of it, i want you to stay with me."

it was silent for a moment, both still laying on the ground, i'm only staring at the back of her head, now i'm wishing she turned around so i can see her beautiful face.

i rest my hand across her waist, in a non-sexual way, i cared for her too much to think like that.

i can feel her hand slowly reach towards mine, she doesn't let go. it brought comfort to me.

i knew we both loved each other, in a way where we both understood each other.

it's crazy,  i hated her so much, all because she forgot what i told her when we were younger and now she's the only person i care about.

"timothée, i still can't sleep," she says.

"you and i both."

she gets up off the floor, she's now sitting, looking at me, she smiles softly when she sees my face, she almost looked happy to see me again, although we saw each other faces minutes ago. "what if we went to the lake?" she asked

we both walked to the lake late at night, the outfit we wore was hilarious, i mean— i looked funny. kenny still looked pretty.

she wore mix-matched colors. a huge white tee and pink patrick sweatpants from the cartoon spongebob. her hair perfectly fell down her arms, it was messy but i liked it.

it was her signature thing. messy but pretty. she never really cared for her appearance, as long as she was comfortable and in her little bubble she was okay with that.

i wish i didn't care how others thought of me, but deep down i cared way too much.

we had random conversations as we made our way to the lake. it was quite funny and i don't know how it started but it did.

"oh, really?" i laughed. "this is how you walk!" i began to walk with a limp and make random grunts, acting brainless, as if i were a zombie.

she slaps my arm gently, "i do not!"

"do so." i chuckled.

"it's better than how you act!" she says, she beings to yell random words and act extremely obnoxious to mimic me, she did pretty well.