SONDER. timothée chalamet

the last chapter of sonder.

i manage to escape old me. you know, the one where i was an asshole, a dick—the list goes on. i changed, she didn't change me, i wanted to change for her. but...nothing could change the regret i held heavy in my chest, although she didn't remember how i treated her, i knew what i did to her. what i said to her.

i used to hate her as much as i loved her.
but now—there was no love left, i got over it.

i was nineteen when i last saw kenny, i'm twenty-six now. it's been about seven years. seven years without her. seven years of moving on.

i definitely look much older. i had stubbles of a beard, a more toned and structured body. i was just a skater kid, beat up sneakers, cargos, and an oversized shirts. now i wear slacks, a formal white tee shirt, and my arm is filled with tattoos. i dressed like those business men—id used to laugh at.

i owned the coffee shop now, went from manager to boss within those years. i also finished school during that summer she left, only high school.
she'd want that.

the coffee shop was named quentin. named after her.

it was a worldwide craze, mainly popular for the name. with over 2000 shops within those years. i turned a regular local coffee shop into a world wide business.

i still believe it was her luck that brought me to where i am.

and if i still spoke to her, i would've told her i did all this —and that i couldn't do it without her.
sadly, i cannot do that. she's out to reach and my hands are now empty.

i sometimes wish she'd appear at my shop and we'd start over with our relationship. but that wasn't reality.

i did move on after she left, i had two relationships, the first one was unexplainably terrible, the girl eventually got with my friend, sam.

yes sam, is it bad to say i was glad? i was incredibly relief when sam did it, which i know it's terrible to say.

but kenny felt irreplaceable at the time.

now the final relationship with the love of my life, beautiful beautiful dove phoebe.

she is a great person and an amazing beautiful women. the late night talks with her brought a sense of a care to my heart. she understood me, she loved me. and i loved her.

my soon to be wife.

we wanted a kid, we tried many times. but it never worked, we stayed together though, still completely nuts about each other. for once i was able to move on.

but—i wish that was true.

me and dove both suffered a loss of our own past partner. and that's where we couldn't meet.

we tried to fulfill our love and expectations. it felt merely impossible.

now i'm here, standing by lake we once sat by.

you once came to this lake to feel every emotion after losing your brother, leon. i'm at the exact place trying to fulfill your presents and every emotion i had with you—i hate to say this, but i missed you so much.

and i knew you'd be mad at me for not moving on, but hey.

i tried.

it feels like you are dead, kenny.
and i hate to put the words dead and kenny next to each other.
but that's how gone you felt.

sometimes i wake up and think that you tragically passed away. that i was just a boy who lost his girl. it feels like i never got to attend your funeral, but i witnessed your death. the death was when you woke up forgetting who i was. the emptiness in your eyes when you saw me. i was no one to you now.