SONDER. timothée chalamet

chapter twenty two

[ STILL IN TIMOTHÉE'S POV ]

we spent countless nights together, my arms wrapped around her waist, her legs wrapped around on top of me. her skin against mines, her hands lingering my body and soul.

we did it, yes that. i don't like to think of it any other way, she was the love of my life and i respected her body the way it was suppose to be respected.

but god, she was lovely. those nights were the time of my life.

"are you gonna tell me another story?" she smiled, laying her head on my chest,

"mhm," i play with her hands, "there was this one time, we were both 9-10, i decided it would be a good idea to sneak into that yoga building, they had free food and you said why not, and so we went!" i smiled reminiscing.

"no way," she laughs.

"way, we got to the back of the yoga place with handfuls of food in our pockets and ran! never looked back. not once."

"things haven't changed, but this time trouble always seems to find us," she says,

"tell me about it," i sigh with laughters

took a while to realize we both had a terrible childhood with our father, this is why we acted out. this is why we spent as much time together, till we got back home—that is when the realization hits.

our abusive father.
our damaged home.

we were always each other sweet escape.

i reach from inside my pocket, grabbing a box i bought for her, it was all my paycheck, but it was worth it.

"got this for you,"

i open the box and she reaches out seeing gold necklace shaped as a key,

"such a beautiful gift to me given," she smiled, kissing me multiple times around my face and then my lips, "i love it. the best gift i've ever gotten,"

"you mean it?"

"i mean all of it,"

i put the necklace on her as she admired it,

i sit in front of her now, tilting my neck, sighing and stretching jokingly until she realized i had a necklace as well,
but mines was the lock.

"the lock and key," she mumbled.

"cliché, i know."

"not at all,"

"it just means your my way home. you helped me through some hard fucking times, i got back on my feet because of you. and i don't know how to repay you. or if i ever can..."

"i don't want nothing back, just you,"

"then i guess your paid off cause i'm here. forever."

she laughs, sitting on my lap to hug me again, "the first time in forever, i can say i'm happy,"

we lived like those disney movies, happily ever after. but this was just half the story.

"remember how i said i didn't want anything, i lied," she smiled.

i turn to look at her, "okay what do you want?" i say with a smile paving from my face.

"a home with you. a family one day. a dog named snow powder," she says,

"snow powder? you're kidding." i say with a straight face. "that sounds like a code name for cocaine,"

"don't compare my dog to a heavy drug," she eyes me down,

"fine fine. a house. a family. and a dog on coke.."

she pushes my shoulders, laughing. "hey! i like the name, it's fun."

i was excited about the future with her, i couldn't wait to see what was next. i was ready to marry this girl, although we were still very young. i was only nineteen and she was eighteen. i wanted her to carry our kid, i wanted the rest of my life with kenny.

the next morning,

just before work i go to shower and groom myself, tossing a towel over my shoulders, i noticed kenny sitting there with terror on her face.

her knees up to her chin, she looks at me with confusion on her face.

"kenny?"

"timothée why are you here? go home," she says, frantically.

i go to grab her arms gently, figure out what was going on.

"get off me!" she yells even louder, pushing my hands off her.

i glared at her weirdly, "what about the date we had the day before?"

"what date?"

"come on kenny,"

"leave please. i don't want you here, take your stuff!" she yelled, i listened.

i walk out with my things, i didn't even question it.

she hated me, completely hated me. she seemed terrified of me...almost.

i get downstairs, seeing her mother smoke a cigarette by the window, she seemed exhausted.

"ms. quentin,"

"yes timothée,"

i didn't know how to say it, "kenny was with me last night right? on the date i told you about,"

"yes,"

"why is she lying then?"

her mother turns towards me, her eyes drop with sorrow, "timothée, she's not lying. she's forgetting,"

i tilt my head a bit, confused at what's being thrown at me right now.

"she's sick baby, mentally. she has a rare brain condition, it was worse back then. we figured it was just her trauma blocking, due to her brother, my son's death. but as years went on she grew more quiet, more forgetful." she says, holding back tears as she stuffed the cigarette in her ashtray. "and now she's forgetting everything. everyone. her story, her life,"

doctors couldn't even name her rare brain condition. they called it a curse and blessing. a blessing because she got to remember certain things, like talking and reading but a curse because she forgot about her story, her loved ones. the people that mattered most.

"everyone?" i mumbled, this is all hitting me at once, felt like the entire world was falling on me.

"she wanted to tell you sooner timothée, but we didn't think it would reach this quick," she says, "i'm sorry,"

i nod over and over again, as the tears ran down my face. "kenny..." i went back up welling to see her again.

she curled on the bed crying in her blanket, i get on my knees, pushing her hair away from my face, she holds my arm.

"timothée, i'm sorry i acted out," she looked me in the eyes. "must've been a very bad dream," she holds her head,

"it's okay, i'm not mad," i mumbled, resting her head on my lap, "you just need rest kenny, shut your eyes a relax my love," i say, fighting back tears.

maybe she didn't fully forget yet, but it was all gonna reach an end someday, i'll fully be erased from her mind soon. everything she's ever known will.

and i was gonna make the most of it while i still can.