❤Tipsy Premika❤ [Vriti FF] [Completed]

Life is shit, okay?

{Trigger warning - SH, suicide}

Mishka's POV

I am overwhelmed but nevertheless, I open my email and start scribbling the words as they come in my head.

Dear ma,

Life is shit, okay?
So shitty that I always am on the verge of ripping someone's head off. Its been 2 hours since I left the eventful party, and in these 2 hours, I must have drank two lattes, smoked few cigarettes, and hogged on just so much fries. I don't stress eat, I stress fest.

The office tv series is running in the background, as I am spending the last of my brain cells to decide where to run to.

I think I really don't have anyone to rely on anyone and I don't want to trouble anyone anymore.

You know what's funny? When you sre depressed and burnt out with life, comedy shows feel so much more good, or just a average joke, makes up your day. Its life lowering your standard to the extent that things that you didnt notice before makes you happy.

But, question is does this last longer? No way.
To the world I am just a dumb, rich brat who gives zero shits about anyone and who thinks  of no one but herself. To my friends I am this mystery who just happens to also be rich. To you and dad, I am clearly a mistake and only to myself I am a human who is torn apart due to years of moving around, into random homes and realising soon enough I don't belong.

You don't realise, how important it is to know a home, something you can call your own. Somewhere in this place, a corner that brings you peace and heals your soul and gives you enough strength to keep moving forward.

I am so tired mom, so exhausted. I feel directionless, and just so low. Like, I would not regret if I died this instance.

Don't feel sorry for me, and please don't cry while you read this. I know you care. All these years, I did nothing but blunders, I am sure dad indirectly made sure to convey that to you, so that you won't ask for my custody. But, papa didnt want me, he just didn't want to part with alimony that had to be paid for my upbringing. But, I know you cared about my wellbeing. I know you regret so many things.

I know you didn't want me to get married, and that it was your husband's idea so that I may not bring home a foreigner who isn't well off. He cares a lot about family reputation and you agreed so I won't face the blunt of societal gossip again.

But maa, do you know what I wished?
I only wished you would love me, and trust me like your love nupur. Like mother adores her daughter, I wish you would let me lay down on your lap and listen to my dreams, my wounds, my fears or just how my day has been. I wish you could let me cry on your shoulders till I am smiling again. I wish, you would wake me up at 2 am and take me to a ice cream parlour like you did when I was 5.

I wish you would let little mishka have her maa back.

Love,
Your mishu

I carefully recheck the email ID once again before I hit enter. My hands tremble and my  eyes are moist.
I look at the sleeping pills prescription. If I survive, I might have to forget about NYU forever, and get admitted to mental health clinic till I am cleared among other societal issues.

I am hoping to die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~