The Lioness

Chapter 1

Alex POV

Why am I here? What am I doing? And why on earth have I stayed so long? I look over to the space beside me and as usual, the spot is empty and cold. He's gone to work I assume before picking up my phone and checking the time, 6:00am. Even without an alarm my body wakes itself up at a ridiculous hour, every.single.day.

Sighing, I roll out of bed and throw on my workout clothes ready to head downstairs into my makeshift gym that I set up in what is suppose to be the dining room. I've been working out 5-6 days a week for around a year now. I've lost quite a lot of weight, toned my legs, arms and stomach while my bum has lifted and grown. I don't think I'll manage a six pack but my stomachs a lot flatter compared to the rolls it used to be adorned with.

I had always been self conscious about my weight, growing up with an older sister who has always been pretty and slim while I've always been the pretty but chunky one, my boobs were massive from quite a young age, way bigger than my sisters. That's what I was known for really 'Oh, you mean the one with the massive tits?'

People would often makes comments regarding my weight 'are you sure that's going to fit?' 'Should you be eating that?' or 'you wouldn't want to put more weight on' The hardest part about all the comments is that most were made by my friends or family. The people who are suppose to accept you for who you are.

I've lost count of the amount of arguments I've had with my sister where she throws my weight in my face 'fat slag' is probably her favourite. They forget though don't they. Forget the nasty words that leave their mouths, the hurtful comments they make without even really realising their doing it. But I remember. I remember every comment that has ever been made, every pity filled look when something didn't quite fit over my boobs or my massive thighs. I haven't forgotten. But they have.

Which brings us back to the present. I'm no longer the younger bigger sister. I'm fitter, healthier, more toned. Obviously it's not a competition but I can't help but feel a tiny bit smug when something doesn't quite fit my sister. A sort of karma for all of her hateful words over the years.

I digress! So, a year. A year of literal blood, sweat and tears. I've sweat from places I didn't even know I could sweat from, gone to bed earlier than planned to avoid the temptation of the ice cream sat calling my name from deep within the freezer, suffered blisters on my hands from lifting weights, or worse, not wearing shoes and doing burpees and getting blisters on my toes. I fucking hate burpees!

But even now, slimmer, more confident and not to toot my own horn, but sexy too. I like looking at myself in the mirror now, I'm not ashamed of my body anymore, yeah I've got stretch marks and cellulite but who gives a fuck! And yet still, I feel unloved.

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. Things were great in the beginning, as always I suppose. The honeymoon period. But that ended long ago and now we only have sex once a week like it's a job. A chore he can't really be bothered with. Like going shopping or putting the rubbish out. I say once a week but it's been almost 6 months now and I'm pretty sure my vibrator would run away if it could.

I don't even bother initiating sex anymore for fear of being turned down. 'I'm tired' 'you're making me too hot' 'I've got to be up early' blah blah blah. Even a simple hug or a cuddle 'I've got things to do' again 'your making me too hot' blah blah blah.

I mean, I'm not ugly. I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world obviously but I'm definitely not ugly. So why doesn't my boyfriend want me? I love him, but is that enough? He says he loves me too and sometimes he does really sweet things but the majority of his time he's sat on his phone or playing games on his PlayStation with his friends.

I feel like he avoids coming to bed early and waits for me to be asleep first, just so I don't try to have sex or cuddle him.

I could walk around the house in the sexiest lingerie imaginable, or even stepping out of the shower naked, he wouldn't bat an eyelid. Not even a second glance would be thrown in my direction.

Does he not fancy me anymore? Am I not good enough for him? Well! I'm good enough for me and I need to put me first. We've been together since I was 16 and I'm 22 now. Have i wasted that time? Being with someone who doesn't really want me?