Tale Spinster

EP 9: VIOLATED

*This chapter might be triggering for rape or sexual abuse survivors*

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I was woken up with a hand on my nose and mouth. Panic ran through my entire body like a bolt of lightning. Quickly, I tried to move the hand from my face, but he was too strong. His legs pinned the underside of my legs, then he lowered his body to mine, crushing me with his body weight. I trashed my arms and legs, but he was too strong... too big... and I was too scared...

Soon, I felt my limbs becoming paralyzed. The horror settled within me and I could only whimper.

I dreaded this moment to come ever since I got transmigrated to this book. For him to take me and make me his sex slave.

He.

I knew it was him.

"Hello, Princess Diana," he whispered. His deep tone sent chills down my spine. "You are mine now. You are the property of Prince Kieran Black."

I have read all the horrible deeds he had done to Diana in the book. He was always rough with her because the author made him unable to find release unless he played roughly. And it always hurt Diana, even to the point she was bedridden for days. He did other things to her too; whipping her, slapping her. Her body had always had bruises, black and blue and red.

Diana might eventually like Kieran's rough play. She empathized with his condition and she learned to feel good about the pain.

The real princess in the book might be fine crying out of pain just so Kieran could have his release.

But not me! Never me!

And the fact that I knew the details of what Kieran did to Diana, made me even more afraid of what was coming.

I was scared beyond death. I didn't want the hurt, the pain.

I didn't want to be violated. After their first night, Diana talked about how she felt like she had lost control over her body. That her body didn't feel like it was hers anymore. I know the author wrote it as a simple monologue. But exactly that! Those few words stuck with me because of how easily they were glossed over. All the people around Diana told her to get over it and move on. Worse, they compared Diana's violation with Kieran's past and told her how she should be grateful that Kieran was still 'holding back' because Kieran had it 'worse' when he was a slave to King Judas.

It blew my mind how the author kept gaslighting this poor princess, whether or not the author knew it. Diana's hurt was not acknowledged because someone else had it 'worse' than her. And then Diana was manipulated to think that the pain was a form of pleasure.

I mean no disrespect to the BDSM community, but Diana never gave her consent to be played roughly. And her accepting that pain was pleasure was a form of her coping mechanism instead of actual pleasure. It was fucked up!

And that was what made it scary for me. Not just the pain, but also the society that does not support the victim.

One of Kieran's hands pulled my nightgown to my thigh. His strength caused the fabric to rip apart, but he kept going until his hand touched my garden. I whimpered. My eyes were blurry and my body decided to shut down just like that.

I talked to my friend who was a rape survivor once. And I asked her one time, 'Did you never think of fighting back?'

Stupid me.

I knew then how it feels like being the one pinned down on your own bed. The fear... was beyond anything I could imagine... It was an invasion of your privacy, of your body. You lost your sense of security at that moment and your brain just shut down completely. Your muscles refused to move because some part of you want to believe that it was just a nightmare, that it was not real.