Missing piece

Fixing yourself or the things around you?

The thing about everyone at the hospital is you have the highest of highs then the next moment you are experiencing the lowest of lows. This is what Luna was most scared of. For her experience in Seattle Grace wasn't like the others. From her very first day she was scared out of her mind about whether she was going to live or not. This was also the reason she worked the hardest she could because you never know when your day is going to be your last or one that you will forever remember.

'the baby was born a couple of hours ago and it looks like a Tracheoesophageal fistula. Do you know that is?' Arizona asks Luna and Alex who were putting their jackets on.

'Yeah, it's the connection between the trachea and oesophagus. Fills the lungs with secretions.'

'Baby can have a hard time breathing and feeding.'

'Exactly. Bentley Hospital is tiny. They can't handle it. So you two need to pick up the baby, bring her back, then hopefully I'm done with the kid that's on its way in by the time your back. You need to reconfigure the ambulance for intensive neonatal transport. And I think you should get someone else to go... Grey, ride with Karev and Shepherd. They're on the baby run.'

'Well I have to talk to Derek'

'Well, Newborn life hanging in the balance. Make it fast.'

They could all tell tonight was going to be a long one.

'Maybe there's an appeal process. Did you ask?'

'I didn't'

'You talk to the Lawyer?'

'I just got off the phone with Janet.'

'We'll appeal. We'll sue the agency if we have to.'

'They don't think we should be Zola's parents, Derek. They don't think I'm trustworthy, and they're not the first ones to raise that concern.'

'Meredith'

'They don't think I should be Zola's mother. She's Gone

'Its gonna be okay... we are gonna find a way

'Zola was our baby and she's gone and I don't want another baby'

Just as Meredith had gotten in the back of the paramedic's van, Luna came running out.

'Luna can you make sure she doesn't do anything crazy?' Derek asks her. But luna could recognise the sheer amount of worry across his face.

'Yeah sure, wait Derek what's wrong?'

'We didn't get Zola'

'Oh I'm sorry, I'll keep an eye on her'

But what Luna was counting on was what would happen to her.

I looked between Meredith and Alex and I could tell that both of them were feeling the same but different emotions. Alex felt guilty that his actions made Mer and Derek not have a family and have potentially ruined the family and future Meredith had fought so hard to want and then Meredith felt every emotion a human could feel.

'So Arizona said that the hospital isn't prepared for a Neonatal or any Peds so we may have to improvise with equipment if they don't have it' I pipe up trying to get the conversation going and not just sit in absolute awkward sadness.

'How do you do it?'

'Do what?' I ask Meredith. Seeing the sadness in her eyes.

'How did you continue after losing your child? Derek told me. How did you?'

I looked at Alex who was in absolute shock.

'I didn't... I shut everyone out. Dove right into studying. Joined the army. Worked with your mother. By the time I came to terms with it, It has been too long to even deal with anything or any emotions or go back and change anything because I didn't take the time to heal' I looked at Alex who had not stopped looking at me while saying it.

'You know it's probably a mistake, Courts screw up all the time. You call them in the Morning' Alex says taking the attention away from what I just said.

'It's over, Alex. It's been over for a while. Everyone knew it. No one wants to say it' Meredith says looking between the both of us.

'So get a surrogate or whatever. You can't just write off having a family like that. Get yang to carry a kid for you. She gets knocked up at the drop of a hat'

'If you don't shut up in the next three seconds, I'm gonna shove you out the back of the rig' Meredith answers Alex.

Great back to awkward looks between each other.

'So did you guys know that Mayo has offered me a Lab?' I start the conversation back up because it's not okay to be sat in silence.

'You've already started getting offers for your residency?' Alex looks at me.

'Yeah haven't you guys?'

'NO!' They both say together.

Great Luna just shut up.

'Hey we are here to pick up a newborn to take her to Seattle grace' Alex says walking into the hospital while me and Meredith wheel the Neonatal kit in with us.

'Yeah, you're looking for me. I'm Jordan Wagner. I'm really glad to see you guys'

'Yeah I'm Alex Karev, this is Luna Shepherd and Meredith Grey

'Okay. Listen she was born six hours ago, and right away had trouble breathing. The stomach looked distended, so we put down an NG tube. But the X-ray showed that it was just cooling in her chest. We've done everything we can to keep her breathing, but it's been a struggle'

'Do you have a neonatal mask?' I ask.

'We're not set up for Neonatal or OB. She was an emergency delivery, otherwise, we would've sent her to the hospital in Leavenworth'

'Pulse ox is 79. Respiratory rate is 80.' Meredith shouts.

'She's got retractions'

'How come she's not intubated?' I shout across the room at the doctor.

'The smallest tube we had didn't fit. Please tell me you brought a neonatal tube'

' We're gonna need an X-ray in here for a post-intubation film'

'The Ivs not good'

'Yeah, you don't even have a neonatal central line kit'

'No'

'IO Needle?'

'No'

We all make eye contact with each other realising that we have no idea what to do next.

'I'm gonna phone Robbins' I say leaving the room.