Truth or Dare?

The gift of Christmas Eve

Jane left not long after I'd finally worked out what she was hinting at. She gave me a hug and told me to call when I'd done a test. I was in shock and let's just say I was more than concerned about how Marcus would take news that I could be pregnant.

Before I let my mind run with the possibilities of what might be, I grabbed my coat and went straight to the local supermarket to get a few tests.

As soon as I got home I went straight to the bathroom to take the three tests I'd bought. Peeing on sticks is an absolutely ridiculous idea! Having to wait three minutes is an even stupider idea!

When those two lines appeared on all the tests I knew that I had some thinking to do but the first thing I did was call Jane and cried about my worries. After her shrieks and tears of joy she finally calmed and suggested I go lie down and try to relax. In her words 'everything feels better when you've had a rest.' I didn't need to be told twice!

By the time I woke up it was nearly time for pjs and bed and I did just that. The stress of Christmas, missing Marcus and the new news we were about to enter parenthood had me wanting to get as much sleep as possible.

When I woke up to the fresh Christmas Eve morning I was set in my determination to make it through Christmas Eve and Christmas and I'd tell Marcus when the feeling was right but I wasn't going to expect anything from him. Loving me is one thing but the feeling of not being able to leave if he wanted to wasn't something I wanted for him. I didn't want him to feel stuck.

He was coming home today but it wouldn't be until later in the evening so I had all day to wrap my head around it all before I saw him.

I made the bed in a bit of a haze and showered with my mind wondering all over the place. My hand gently roaming over my stomach and my child. Our child. If Marcus chose to leave I wouldn't hold it against him but my god would it be painful. But I would be an amazing mother to our child whether he was here or not. I can do this.

I thought twice about my coffee and instead settled on a glass of orange juice and some porridge to warm my insides. I needed to take a few deep breaths after breakfast to keep it down and then I was dressed and out the door for Christmas Eve duties.

Every year since I can remember I would help my mum and her friends down at the local church to serve food for the homeless in our area. It would always surprise me how many people would be there looking for a warm meal to finally fill their bellies. My heart warmed as I walked through the door and saw the amount of support here for those that needed it. I quickly put my apron on and got to work.

"Now what could be putting that frown on such a beautiful face?" I recognised his face and smiled at Mr Franks. He'd been on the streets for as long as I can remember and every time he'd had the help to get a new place to stay he would turn it down under the premise that it went to a 'young one'. He truly had a heart of gold.

"Ah, you know. Worries of life. You know me, a deep thinker." I smile fondly at him before putting an extra Yorkshire pudding on his plate with a wink.

"I'm sure whatever it is, it'll work itself out. You're a bright woman. I'm sure you'll solve the problem. And if you can't, who the hell cares! Make life what you want it to be." I smiled feeing the sting in the back of my eyes. A tear slipped from the corner and I quickly excused myself to go and hide in the toilets like a pathetic child. Get a grip Fliss! It's just hormones.

When I returned my mother gave me a knowing look and I just nodded slowly before she rushed to me with a hug so fierce that I wanted to bawl my eyes out even more. I guess motherhood never leaves you no matter how old your children are. And that pushed me even more. My parents have loved me so hard and so brilliantly that I know I can do the same.