Alexithymia

care

in a dimly lit kitchen laid Mika, sobbing uncontrollably whilst pressing her palm firmly on her bleeding nose.

a fridge light was the only source of light illuminating her surroundings - a loud could be heard to the left.

"Mika! Let me in! I know you're in there, I hate it when you do this to me!" followed with a repeated banging on the door, Mika continues to sob whilst scrambling to push a table to reinforce the door.

the person on the other side? none other than her abusive boyfriend, Asahi, his sharp voice coupled with the loud bangs on the door scares Mika that after pushing the table she has wasted all her energy.. and passes out on top of the table.

[listen to the track after reading this portion <3]

[few weeks earlier]

"Miss Mika? Hello?" A male voice clears up as Mika paces her head ousting her out of a daze.

she looks around obliviously but as he observes her surroundings some things finally come back clear to her.

"S-sorry.. Could you.. repeat that, doc?" Mika puts her hair behind her shoulders and pleasantly inquires once again.

A doctor grunts slightly but kindly does so.

"Hmm.. Alright I'll go over it one more time, you have Alexithymia. It's where you have difficulties identifying, showing emotions, see here in this chart here -" The doctor pulls out a chart of the brain and it's parts with a stick to point.

..the reason is that it's possibly genetics, well the main thing is that your insular cortex in your brain is damage. That part of your brain does works for the functions of regulation of sympathetic and parasympathetic system. In order words your ability to express, feel, identify what you feel.. is damaged." After explaining the doctor kindly smiles and slides a card on his desk towards Mika.

as Mika looks down on it she sees it has details of a therapist.

The tells her once again.

"Please go see her, she's a very reliable colleague - I trust that she can help you reverse this condition. Also try group therapy and if you have romantic partner, please try to talk with them. I also suggest Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." The doctor nods but again Mika seems dazed but she answers anyways.

"got.. it.. i'll keep that in mind." Mika gets up and picks her sling bag along and grabs the card as she exits the doctor's office.

"Hey, hun, how was it? what did they tell ya?" Outside, her boyfriend awaits, Asahi with a endearing smiles hoping that whatever her condition is isn't bad.

"they gave me this.." Mika pulls out the card, Asahi comes over to her to see.

"Huh? Let's see what you've got here?" Asahi's eyes widens as he looks back over to Mika - he notices that her entire expression is entirely different and it all seems bleak and expressionless.

"i'm.. sorry.." Mika begins sobbing slightly but Asahi comforts her by holding her close in his arms.

"Hey hey hey! Don't worry dear. You haven't even told me what the problem is but anything for you my love! So please calm down alright?" Asahi holds her face up and pecs her forehead as they both leave the hospital and go home.

"it's called.. alexithymia, the doctor said.. it's where i have problem identifying, and showing emotions.. and stuff.." and immediately she sounds apathetic whilst talking.

Asahi, who's still unaware of her condition decides to bring her to her favorite restaurant around the block to cheer her up.

"Well, we'll check that therapist tomorrow when you get some rest, for the meantime let's get some lunch huh? I bet you're pretty hungry." 

In this moment, Mika was able to feel a slightly of joy from within her hair and smiles after a long day - Mika leans her head on Asahi's shoulders and closes her sweet eyes.

As they arrive at the restaurant, it almost surprises her in a way that seems like she's new to this place.

it confuses her because she's always loved this place, but now the spark is bygone.

and it unsettles her in some way. her face is seemingly also disturbed, Asahi notices this and inquires about her feelings.

"Are you feeling alright right now? Earlier this morning you wanted this limited edition dish they were serving huh? You even got close to the TV." Asahi asked with a concerned tone but Mika couldn't say anything and slowly she looked down at a loss, so as a response she just.. nods her head in a strange fashion.

Asahi thinks that it's only exhaustion and sits her down on a nearby table and leaves to order for he.

"Hun, I'll get you your favorite. So hang in there.." Asahi smiles and pats her back.

as he goes to order, Mika looks steady on the card the doctor gave her - somehow it unsettles her that she feels so. 'void' of emotions, but thinking that she is even unsettled is a sign that her feelings are still intact.

she lays her head down on the table and closes her eyes, focusing on her pulse she waits patiently for Asahi

[everything goes smoothly and both are headed home now whilst holding each other close.]

*creeak* 

Asahi opens the door for Mika and himself - Mika has fallen half-asleep whilst walking along with him and he's resulted to drag her in.

in success; he lays her gently on the couch and plants a sweet kiss on her forehead.

he takes her sling bag off her arm to place it over on a hook.

in the same time Asahi takes a closer look of the card 

curious, he goes to the table and opens his laptop to research on her current condition; now he has seen that results he's more worried and glances over to her with a dash of worry as he sighs anxiously.

thinking that it may potentially destroy the relationship but he immediately puts his head up thinking that her wellbeing matters more than romance for now.

Asahi also scrolls around and searches the ways to treat the condition and on how to reverse it slowly; armed with factoids he researches about CBT and how he needs to treat her from now on.

Asahi pulls away from the table and shuts his laptop and checks his wallet; skimming through it for money to provide for the therapist fee

he glances one more time at Mika and smiles; he goes out to leave to locate and look around for the therapist's office leaving a note on the table for Mika when she awakens.