Alexithymia

numb

mmhmhff.. the light.. so bright..

*ruffle ruffle*

asahi.. 

i opened my eyes to see a bright morning today, i had my arms wrapped around asahi - somehow.. waking up with someone it feels foreign and different but maybe it's because of my exhaustion, a sat up in the couch me and him were sleeping on and stretched my arms whilst yawning.

my eyes darted across the room, there was dirty platter of the pie we ate. last night i felt too full to even finish a slice but now.. i feel hungry mmh so i scooted my way out of asahi's back and headed to the table to eat some of the pie.

there should be more left - i got a new plate and reared over to open the fridge.

*clink*

i grabbed the pie and gave myself two slices. 

i was standing when i handed myself a few bites.. my eyes they were focused on the pie and plate somehow i feel.. sick now that i'm looking at it it's a weird feeling it's really strange but i settled for it anyway it's just morning sickness i hope..

i sat down and took a bite.

the pie it's a mouthful.. it's taste yet somehow something within me is.. stopping me from feeling that nice feeling of eating yummy food it's.. s weird. I feel so numb!!!

ugh! i immediately dropped the fork and placed both my palms on my eyes..

i feel so numb today it's.. no it's not numbness isn't this a natural feeling or what is it? i can't.. tell anymore this.. is just 

it makes me body all shaky - i can't tell what's with me.. 

\\

after the moment i just stayed silent and sighed

asahi groaned and got up shortly.

somehow.. he looked.. like in a different manner like he got no sleep at all..

"hi hun, i.. heard something did you break a plate..?" His voice sounds so lossy. it's like no air comes out..

he mustve heard me dropping the fork earlier, i guess that's he woke up..

he looks like he's having trouble getting up.. wincing and all but somehow.. i just slide towards his view and sat there in front of him..

the feeling of helping him.. it's somehow.. thin to me, i felt so lazy with it but it isn't laziness it's ju-

"Hey? Let's take you the therapist today? "

huh.. i was so drowned deep into my thoughts that i didn't notice asahi was already there before - it didnt surprise me in anyway but inside i felt like it shouldve.

as asahi got up from the rest he placed his gentle palm on my cheek.

yet his expression is almost cold and bleak it's just ugh..

I got up from the floor and nodded whilst holding his hand.

"Can we go. Immediately?" i said softly, though it sounded.. very dry and empty

but asahi doesnt really seem to mind hmm? he even.. holds my hand and helps me dress..

"sure sure! but we both should shower first." ah.. i completely forgotten about that..

[we both took showers and got dressed in our sunday's best]

we.. were at the door holding each other's hands. asahi looks.. scary once again but i cant shake the feeling that this isnt true.. it's worrying me too..

"Hey? You'll do alright when we get there i'll only be in the other room for privacy." asahi looked at me with his bleak face and yet his words feels so different.

i leaned forward to feel him for a hug.. yet there was nothing..

"nothing"