Nostalgia

1·8

Who knew picking out an evening dress could be such a pain in my behind? It wasn't just the process of picking out the dress that had my nerves in a bunch though. It was the thought of how James would react on seeing me in one of these dresses.

Back when we used to come here, he'd stand directly outside the door, gasp and compliment me in every possible way. I was scared that things had changed and he wouldn't do the same thing but at the same time I was terrified that even now, he'd react the same way.

Gertrude held up another dress, the sixth one since we'd begun this spree. This one had a boat neckline with the entire bodice made of emerald green lace and the skirt pooling on the floor in a light flare. When she moved it around, some of the sequins on the dress caught the light and twinkled.

All in all, this dress was gorgeous.

"I like this one," I said with a small smile. It looked really expensive though. "What do you think?"

The young woman seemed to be at a loss for words at first. She nervously tucked her black hair behind her ear and held the dress up higher. "It's a lovely outfit, ma'am. I think you'd look stunning in it," she said quietly.

Gertrude was probably new here. I'd noticed that most of the people working here currently weren't the same ones that were here before. The Sloans had a habit of being really strict with their employees and firing those who wouldn't comply.

I took the dress from her and studied it a little more, turning it around so I could see the back. The lace at the back was see-through, a few swirls of material dancing across the borders.

"Help me try it on?" I requested as gently as I could. Gertrude looked like she was going to break at any moment. It made me wonder what they'd done to her.

She nodded and proceeded to unzip the dress and remove it from the hanger then she handed it back to me and excused herself so I could change.

The dress was a perfect fit, which wasn't a surprise because hello? It was a Sloan that has it picked out. The material clung to my upper body and flared out gracefully from the waist down. It felt absolutely comfortable and it looked nice. But there wasn't a mirror in the changing room which meant I'd have to go outside. To where James was.

The familiar feeling of uneasiness settled over me again and I held my hands in front of me. I bit down on my lower lip and let my mind go wild with dread? Anticipation? I wasn't sure. But the feeling was welcome. Strange, but welcome.

And considering I hadn't felt this way in over four months, since James and I broke up, it was almost overwhelming.

I mentally kicked myself, shaking my head to break out of the reverie I was in. I needed to understand that James and I were in the past now. This meant nothing. We meant nothing to each other and I deserved it.

With one final exhale and an invisible push, I opened the door and stepped out of the changing room.

James was the first person I saw. He sat at one end with his entire attention engrossed by something on his phone. Raine sat next to him, an impatient frown on her face and Gertrude stood beside her. She was the first to see me, and when she did, a smile broke out on her face. Raine was next.

She smiled and stood up, heading towards me, looking proud as ever. "Raine Sloan, you've done it again."

But I wasn't paying any attention to her. I was holding both my hands and my breath because her movement had caught James's attention and he was now staring forward. At me. His lips parted as his gaze raked over my body, head to toe. When he stood up and walked to me, all the air was knocked out of my lungs in one sharp exhale. This was too much. My legs begged me to run away before he got to me, but something was holding me in place.

Before I knew it, James was standing before me. He let out an exhale and locked our gazes. Just like that, I was transported to months ago, in this same place. He'd tucked my hair behind my hair and leaned in to whisper a compliment that sent shivers down my spine in my ear. Every muscle in me was itching for him to do it again, but rationality bagged otherwise.

Either way, it felt like I was burning.

When he leaned close to my ear and whispered, "I don't think I have the words to describe how you look right now," my heart tripped. And I felt myself falling.

Catching what was left of my sanity, I leaned back and tried to smile. It came out looking terrible but I didn't care. "Thanks," I muttered under my breath.

I needed to get out of this dress. I needed to get away from him. He was bad for my heart. So I stepped back and scurried back in to the changing rooms, breaths coming in fast and heart racing. It wasn't until I'd gotten into the safe haven that was the changing rooms that I let the realization crash into me.

I'd not gotten over James. Not one bit.

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We got back to the apartment building late in the afternoon because James too needed to pick out a suit. Turns out he'd already ordered the suit online so I didn't get to see him in it. I didn't welcome the feeling of disappointment though. I needed to lock out whatever feelings he was trying to stir. I would not be vulnerable around him and give him the upper hand.

Immediately James shut off the engine, I was out of that car like a flash. I hurried to the elevators, got in and watched James's amused expression as the doors slid closed. The moment they did, my legs gave out and I dropped to the elevator floor, trying to catch my breath. Today had been nothing but a rush of emotions that I'd kept hidden. I had to get myself under control before I'd be ready to face James again. What I needed was a nice scoop of ice cream and the cool comfort that was the four walls of my apartment.

When the elevator got to my floor, I hurried to the door of my apartment, sticking my hand under the doormat to check for the key. My heart plummeted to my stomach as a feeling of dread washed over me.

If Kong had forgotten to leave the key behind...

Frustrated, I lifted the entire thing and threw it to the side. Still no key. "Fuck!" He'd forgotten. I was going to murder him so badly, his ghost wouldn't be recognized when he got to heaven.

As if I wasn't having a bad enough day, James materialized from the elevators and started towards me, smiles and all. I frowned. Curse him!

Instead of teasing me or throwing a snarky comment like he would normally, he just walked casually to his door and unlocked it. Then he stepped inside and held the door open for me.

"Come in."