Everything About This is a Bad Idea...and Gets Worse

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^she writes "Bad Idea" after all of this happens!!!

Cole: 24
Bindi: 24

March 21 2044

She never thought that at the ripe age of twenty-four (she just turned twenty-four yesterday which was one of her weirdest birthdays to date) she'd be sitting on her couch, seven weeks postpartum with a pump attached to each of her breasts.

But here she is, "living the life" as she often professes sarcastically to Flynn and Calum whenever they bring Ryleigh over to visit or collect some milk. But really, she wouldn't have it any other way...

No, that's a deadass lie. She would have it another way, she's just made a goal to try and be more positive. Of course she's so grateful she could give Flynn and Calum Ryleigh, and seeing them with her brings her more joy than anything else, she wouldn't trade that for the world, but everything that's come after Ryleigh's birth has been pretty much hell in Bindi's eyes.

She's still having the emotional turmoil that she felt right after Ryleigh's birth. It's still been rough, but she's been surprisingly grateful for Cole who has come over a few times a week to sit with Bindi or get her out of the house for a bit, helping her get groceries or just some lunch so that she's not stuck in her house all day. She talks to him about the emotional turmoil the most, she's yet to mention it to her mum or Darcy, she decided Cole was right and that she would feel better talking about it to someone who's not connected to her familial wise like her mum and sister are. It would be too awkward when they also know Calum so well.

If someone would've told her a few years ago that one day she'd feel more comfortable talking to Cole Horan than Acacia she would've laughed in their faces and told them that she wants to smoke whatever they've been smoking since it must be something good. But...it's true. Her communication with Casey has greatly decreased since Ryleigh's birth, and that's something she never thought would ever happen. The first person she used to text when she woke up in the morning was Casey...but now she finds herself making a coffee and eating some breakfast, sometimes scrolling through instagram before she finally snaps Acacia.

They're just at completely different points of their lives, it seems. As much as Bindi claims that the surrogacy didn't change her at all...it did. It definitely did. She's definitely not as mature as most would expect, but she is more mature than she was when she started it. She has different priorities than she used to. Her biggest worry used to be being able to wake up for work after a night of partying, now it's whether or not she has an empty breastmilk pack that she can pour her pumped milk into.

She likes this life well enough, it's nice to slow down a bit and she loves being around Ryleigh and getting to spend as much time as possible with her. Really the only time she gets jealous or wishful for her old life is when she sees something Acacia has posted on her snapchat or instagram stories. That's when it really hits hard. All of the partying snaps with Acacia being completely worry free and living her life have a tendency to make Bindi bitter that she's not able to live her life currently. Or live her life with Acacia at all.

When she woke up this morning she saw that Acacia had posted to her Snapchat story, and just from the little picture at the top of her Snapchat, she could tell that it would all be videos of Acacia at a party, probably drunk and hanging onto five hundred girls, maybe even f*cking one of them if Bindi was really lucky. She just didn't want to do that to herself. She didn't want to do it to herself twelve hours ago when she woke up, and she surely doesn't want to do it now.

She's going to pretend like she's answered Acacia today, but she hasn't. She hasn't talked to Acacia in over twenty-four hours, and after just seeing the profile for Acacia's story, she has no want to talk to her. It will just make her feel worse than she already does, and she has felt terrible all day.

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